I may have mentioned before that I have decided to start using my blog as more of an outlet as well as an update of my life. Why separate the two? When both deal with the every day out comings of who I am and who I am becoming.
Last weekend I mentioned I went to a conference and loved it. One of the sessions I attended was a discussion on girls and body image. During the session I found myself looking around the room worried that people were staring at my "roll" and while she was talking about all the crazy crash diets she went on, I started to think that those things might work for me. Of course it is crazy and I would never do anything like only eating a grapefruit for every meal and working out for 5 hours a day, but the thoughts of becoming smaller and looking like a "model" always enter my mind.
I have never mentioned anything about body image before because it is always said to me that I can't have body image issues because I am not obese or overweight. I struggle with those comments because there are women of every size and age that experience body image difficulties. These days even 5 year olds are expressing that something makes them fat or they need to go on a diet. There are many speculations and ideas of how this is happening, but all that matters is that it is happening and if their thoughts are continued to be ignored they may grow up with more severe body image issues.
The reason why I decided to bring this up is because if anyone comes across this I want them to know that a lot of women can and do have body image issues, and it is okay to accept that and talk about it to someone who will listen. Recently I have wanted to start exercising and eating better. A lot of reasons is to just be healthier and feel better about myself and who I am. I would like to have a healthy life, and the exercise can help me with some of my stress. However, when I mention this to others they sometimes assume that I have an eating disorder or will create one. Some even assume that I don't enjoy what I am doing. I find this unfair. Yes, I have some issues with my body, but my reasons are not the same as someone else.
I think it has to be accepted that a women of any size can have problems with their body...if we choose to ignore it or blow it off as a woman looking for compliments it only fuels the fire for those who are truly struggling and asking for help or just trying to talk about it out loud to process what is going on. Sometimes a person just needs validation that what they are feeling is true and okay. They need a safe place to go and I encourage people to find that safe place and that safe person.
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Internship experience...once again
As the days go on in this internship I have noticed I have started to settle in. I have began to notice that the hard stuff doesn't bother me like it used to. I am not saying it isn't hard and emotional anymore, I'm just saying that it isn't effecting me emotionally like it used to. I think I am starting to handle things better and am able to focus on the more important things. However, yesterday when I went to therapy I started to realize a new effect it has had on me...
For the past few weeks I have started to become very jumpy and am very "alert" all the time. I have started to have dreams/nightmares about being robbed, shot, assaulted, etc. We have students at my job at TCH and they are sharing my office with me and every time I walk in the office and they are sitting there I get startled and sometimes scream. If someone touches my shoulder from behind or walks out from a corner I get startled. I never put it together but my therapist put it in perspective for me.
In my internship I am dealing with the darker side of life, and so that has started to make me scared and paranoid. I sometimes don't feel safe anymore and that is why. If I was dealing with being a career counselor or something I would feel full of hope and dreams (not that I don't) but so much of what I hear is so dark and unbelievable that it is effecting me in ways I don't even realize. I definitely have hopes for these girls coming back and living real loving lives with a better support system, but so much of what they say is so hard to swallow and can sometimes be hard to know if things can change for them. Some of these girls are involved in gangs and actually say that they are "addicted" to the gang and the violence. It's hard to know that they won't leave the treatment and go back to the things they have always done because they feel the addiction to what they have grown up with.
This experience has been so amazing and the experiences that have happened to me have been so interesting. Some people say that it isn't normal or that you shouldn't become emotionally involved. But if I am not there and listening with everything I can and have, then I don't believe I am being a good therapist. If I just treat them as another hour in my day and sit there only listening to the words and not the emotions and anger behind what is truly being said, then I am not invested in them and their treatment. So...in conclusion, although I have been having some hard personal times with what I am hearing and seeing, I think every second of it is worth it. It is part of the change and the experience of becoming a therapist, and what I hope is the road to being a good therapist.
For the past few weeks I have started to become very jumpy and am very "alert" all the time. I have started to have dreams/nightmares about being robbed, shot, assaulted, etc. We have students at my job at TCH and they are sharing my office with me and every time I walk in the office and they are sitting there I get startled and sometimes scream. If someone touches my shoulder from behind or walks out from a corner I get startled. I never put it together but my therapist put it in perspective for me.
In my internship I am dealing with the darker side of life, and so that has started to make me scared and paranoid. I sometimes don't feel safe anymore and that is why. If I was dealing with being a career counselor or something I would feel full of hope and dreams (not that I don't) but so much of what I hear is so dark and unbelievable that it is effecting me in ways I don't even realize. I definitely have hopes for these girls coming back and living real loving lives with a better support system, but so much of what they say is so hard to swallow and can sometimes be hard to know if things can change for them. Some of these girls are involved in gangs and actually say that they are "addicted" to the gang and the violence. It's hard to know that they won't leave the treatment and go back to the things they have always done because they feel the addiction to what they have grown up with.
This experience has been so amazing and the experiences that have happened to me have been so interesting. Some people say that it isn't normal or that you shouldn't become emotionally involved. But if I am not there and listening with everything I can and have, then I don't believe I am being a good therapist. If I just treat them as another hour in my day and sit there only listening to the words and not the emotions and anger behind what is truly being said, then I am not invested in them and their treatment. So...in conclusion, although I have been having some hard personal times with what I am hearing and seeing, I think every second of it is worth it. It is part of the change and the experience of becoming a therapist, and what I hope is the road to being a good therapist.
New Girl - New Experience
At my internship I have been assigned to another girl...which makes 5. She is an 18 year old girl that is being court ordered to be at my internship site. At my site, you normally leave when you graduate high school or turn 18 years old. However, a few months ago she ran from my site and participated in some un-healthy behaviors, and is now back at my site and in my area that I work with. She has been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and also participates in self-harming behavior. This is the new experience I refer to in my title to this blog. It is so true that once you are in counseling you think you have seen everything and something new comes your way. This last week was my first week spending time with this girl and I found her so interesting and sweet too. She didn't hold back on anything and told me a lot of facts about herself.
She went into discussing the ways that she self-harms herself and the second day I met with her, she showed me the scars and the things that she has done to herself. She has participated in cutting, branding, carving, burning and the list goes on. When she talked about the act of harming it excited her...it was hard for me to understand what I was seeing. She was so excited and she was full of smiles and her demeanor was so happy. She was kind of a true experience for me of what happens with self-harming and what it does for people who do it. This girl also has suicidal ideations, and I won't mention the things that she expressed to me on what she wanted to do to herself and what she wants to see done if she accomplishes it. It sounds weird, but for me it was fascinating and so hard to listen to. She is so young and has dreams of opening a facility herself based around animal therapy, but yet she wants a "fast ticket out of here." I struggle sometimes knowing what to say, how to react and how to help.
I think as my journey continues and I continue meeting with this girl I think so many things will be taught to me. I hope that I am able to help her in some way and see her be happy about other things besides self-harming. I will see where this all leads...every girl and every day is a new experience.
She went into discussing the ways that she self-harms herself and the second day I met with her, she showed me the scars and the things that she has done to herself. She has participated in cutting, branding, carving, burning and the list goes on. When she talked about the act of harming it excited her...it was hard for me to understand what I was seeing. She was so excited and she was full of smiles and her demeanor was so happy. She was kind of a true experience for me of what happens with self-harming and what it does for people who do it. This girl also has suicidal ideations, and I won't mention the things that she expressed to me on what she wanted to do to herself and what she wants to see done if she accomplishes it. It sounds weird, but for me it was fascinating and so hard to listen to. She is so young and has dreams of opening a facility herself based around animal therapy, but yet she wants a "fast ticket out of here." I struggle sometimes knowing what to say, how to react and how to help.
I think as my journey continues and I continue meeting with this girl I think so many things will be taught to me. I hope that I am able to help her in some way and see her be happy about other things besides self-harming. I will see where this all leads...every girl and every day is a new experience.
Sunday, April 18, 2010
CCA conference
Yesterday I had the amazing opportunity to attend the Colorado Counseling Association conference. This was the first conference I had been to regarding anything for counseling. I absolutely loved it. It was a full day from 9-5 but I didn't feel like I was there for that long.
Our keynote speaker was a man by the name of David Capuzzi and he was absolutely amazing. He gave an hour and a half talk that felt like 15 minutes...it was over way too soon. He is a specialist on grief and loss and he told some amazing stories and gave us a model of the stages of grief and loss. He had us do this activity where we wrote down 6 things we value on 6 cards, we then had to take one of those things away and discuss how we felt about that choice with a partner from our table. My item had been my therapist, out of all the things written on my cards I decided that was the one thing I could live without. Mainly because I have become to realize that I do have some great friends and connections to help me get through things. Also, I can always get a new therapist at some point ;). Next we had to turn over the cards and then mix them up and then let our partner randomly pick a card, and once again discuss with our partner how we felt about that. Luckily for me the item she chose for me was my career. I say luckily because the place that I am in right now in life I have a lot of choices and being on 2 different career paths I have the option and also, I never specified which career ;). Also, I know that I am young and have different abilities to always find something different. It would be hard but I know that I could adapt to the situation.
The last session I chose to go to was a discussion about IRRT (Imagery Rescripting and Reprocessing Therapy). This was such an amazing talk and a powerful form of therapy. We were able to hear a recorded session of this therapy in action as well as hear numerous stories of how this type of therapy has helped numerous people in such a short amount of sessions. This is a type of therapy that is used for the treatment of PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder). What it does is ask the client to go back to the memory of the traumatic event, and then it places the client there as their adult self and asks them to take over the situation. I won't give away all the information because if someone reads this I want them to be able to fully commit to the therapy without any thoughts of what should happen. However, this is a therapy that empowers the client to be able to overcome what they have gone through and come to a new place with their traumatic event. For one client it worked in one session, and he was a veteran from Vietnam. He was able to live his life again without having fear of dying every day. It was an amazing and empowering talk. I am thinking about finding out more about this type of therapy and thinking about using it with one of my girls.
I think this could be something amazing for one of my girls to help her through the sexual abuse she encountered from her father when she was 3. She is a girl that I have connected with and she has so many amazing qualities but can't realize it because of all the things she has experienced in life. She constantly has nightmares about these incidents when she was younger and I want her to move past these nightmares and live her life. She was doing really well for a month and then something happened, I haven't figured out what yet, but something happened and she has had a hard time getting back on track. I think this might be something I can do that could maybe help her. It is just a matter of determining if she is "healthy" enough to handle it. She still has some suicidal ideations so this could play a big part if she could or could not handle this form of therapy.
I made a small side track there about one of my girls but I couldn't help it. The talk was so amazing and the type of therapy was just so inspirational that it really made me think. I think this type of therapy could really help a lot of people with PTSD and I really hope it starts to become popular in therapy.
At the end of the day I made some amazing connections with people and was able to network a little bit. I stopped by the table for the Betty Ford Center which is something based in Colorado that has younger kids come to a four day workshop; these kids have been affected by parents who suffer from alcoholism. My friend Michelle informed me of this center and she volunteered herself, so I think I am going to do it as well in June. It will be an amazing experience and it will count towards my internship hours. I am so happy that I went and am I inspired and already planning on going to the ACA (American counseling association) conference in March which is in New Orleans! I can't wait!
Our keynote speaker was a man by the name of David Capuzzi and he was absolutely amazing. He gave an hour and a half talk that felt like 15 minutes...it was over way too soon. He is a specialist on grief and loss and he told some amazing stories and gave us a model of the stages of grief and loss. He had us do this activity where we wrote down 6 things we value on 6 cards, we then had to take one of those things away and discuss how we felt about that choice with a partner from our table. My item had been my therapist, out of all the things written on my cards I decided that was the one thing I could live without. Mainly because I have become to realize that I do have some great friends and connections to help me get through things. Also, I can always get a new therapist at some point ;). Next we had to turn over the cards and then mix them up and then let our partner randomly pick a card, and once again discuss with our partner how we felt about that. Luckily for me the item she chose for me was my career. I say luckily because the place that I am in right now in life I have a lot of choices and being on 2 different career paths I have the option and also, I never specified which career ;). Also, I know that I am young and have different abilities to always find something different. It would be hard but I know that I could adapt to the situation.
The last session I chose to go to was a discussion about IRRT (Imagery Rescripting and Reprocessing Therapy). This was such an amazing talk and a powerful form of therapy. We were able to hear a recorded session of this therapy in action as well as hear numerous stories of how this type of therapy has helped numerous people in such a short amount of sessions. This is a type of therapy that is used for the treatment of PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder). What it does is ask the client to go back to the memory of the traumatic event, and then it places the client there as their adult self and asks them to take over the situation. I won't give away all the information because if someone reads this I want them to be able to fully commit to the therapy without any thoughts of what should happen. However, this is a therapy that empowers the client to be able to overcome what they have gone through and come to a new place with their traumatic event. For one client it worked in one session, and he was a veteran from Vietnam. He was able to live his life again without having fear of dying every day. It was an amazing and empowering talk. I am thinking about finding out more about this type of therapy and thinking about using it with one of my girls.
I think this could be something amazing for one of my girls to help her through the sexual abuse she encountered from her father when she was 3. She is a girl that I have connected with and she has so many amazing qualities but can't realize it because of all the things she has experienced in life. She constantly has nightmares about these incidents when she was younger and I want her to move past these nightmares and live her life. She was doing really well for a month and then something happened, I haven't figured out what yet, but something happened and she has had a hard time getting back on track. I think this might be something I can do that could maybe help her. It is just a matter of determining if she is "healthy" enough to handle it. She still has some suicidal ideations so this could play a big part if she could or could not handle this form of therapy.
I made a small side track there about one of my girls but I couldn't help it. The talk was so amazing and the type of therapy was just so inspirational that it really made me think. I think this type of therapy could really help a lot of people with PTSD and I really hope it starts to become popular in therapy.
At the end of the day I made some amazing connections with people and was able to network a little bit. I stopped by the table for the Betty Ford Center which is something based in Colorado that has younger kids come to a four day workshop; these kids have been affected by parents who suffer from alcoholism. My friend Michelle informed me of this center and she volunteered herself, so I think I am going to do it as well in June. It will be an amazing experience and it will count towards my internship hours. I am so happy that I went and am I inspired and already planning on going to the ACA (American counseling association) conference in March which is in New Orleans! I can't wait!
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Making a difference
In my internship I have a total of 4 clients. These girls have been through things and lived lives that I don't think I would ever survive. They have been in trouble, made bad decisions and some have some serious criminal records - including manslaughter. However, at the end of the day they are still children and some of the most amazing girls you could meet. I know it sounds crazy, but it is true.
I have a girl who has manslaughter from when she was age 12, actually her 12th birthday, and she is one of the most charming and friendly girl you could ever meet. However, somedays I leave there thinking, how do I find myself thinking this girl is charming? When she became one of my girls, it was the week that she brutally attacked a staff member. I was petrified, I didn't know what I should do and I was scared she would get upset with me in a session and black out and attack me. However, things turned out way different, and I am so happy about that. I have heard a lot of stories revolving anger and violence with her that at the end of the day, she has no remorse; and other days she has so many emotions I don't know what I should say. She is honestly one of my favorite girls to meet with her. She is open and willing to talk and she is pretty honest...it's refreshing in a way. She has some amazing goals in life, but her life has been hard and her anger gets in the way. I don't always understand her anger and its hard but its great that she is so open because it gives me a way to try and understand and help her understand. I constantly struggle with ways to help her with her anger, but I am starting to think that if I can help her focus on her goals and where she can pull her passion from maybe just maybe I can help her learn to re-direct her anger or just simply walk away.
My other girl that I love meeting with is a girl who self harms by biting her arms and swallowing things. The week she became my girl she swallowed white out and our first meeting was her talking about how she doesn't deserve to live or be happy and all she wants to do is die. She is only 15! She started out not going to school a lot because she was always physically managed from her self harm and acting out, and she was just struggling. There would be times that she would come around and then would "relapse" because of news that she heard or an emotion she couldn't handle. She also hears voices that tell her horrible things and so she does a lot of harm to herself to get rid of the voices. About a month ago she changed...she was making it to school every day, she was always happy and she wasn't self-harming. She went a full month with visits to other cottages, no self-harm, no acting out, and her mom was going to come out and see her because she had been doing so well. Then I came in for my hours yesterday... she had acted out with a peer and had self harmed and her level got dropped. When I went to see her in the time out room she told me she didn't deserve to be happy or receive any of the privledges she had that month she was doing so well. It broke my heart. She has an amazing heart, good sense of humor and she is just genuinely sweet. I have been able to make a connection with her on a level that some others haven't.
In fact, about a month ago she finally told me about some nightmares she had been having; she hadn't shared this with her therapist or anyone else. It was an amazing break-through...unfortunately it caused me to have the same nightmares because I wasn't doing self-care. We have worked for weeks on these nightmares and then I had a thought. When I was little I always slept with stuffed animals all over my bed because it made me feel safe. What if she had a stuffed animal? So on Wednesday, after I received approval, I brought her in a stuffed bear and told her that it is hers to sleep with. It will protect her and help her stay safe, and when she wakes up in the middle of the night and has a nightmare that bear will be there to protect her and talk to. Sometimes the best listener is the one that can't talk back. She was very excited and happy to recieve the bear...she even named it Amber. When I talked to her yesterday she told me that the nightmares have gotten better, she has been talking to her bear at night when she wakes up. And a couple weeks ago she told someone that one of her main supports was me. It felt so amazing to hear that. It makes me feel good to know that maybe I can do this, and that maybe I can make a small difference in someone's life.
These two girls have been the biggest eye opening experience for me. They have helped me learn so much about myself. I know that I can sit in a room with a girl and hear her talk about how she harmed herself and what it sounded like, or what she did to another person and not run out screaming or have a constant fear of meeting with them. I did have some doubt in the beginning and I still do...I am always wondering about if what I am saying or doing is the right thing, but at least I know that I can sit there and not be scared.
I have a girl who has manslaughter from when she was age 12, actually her 12th birthday, and she is one of the most charming and friendly girl you could ever meet. However, somedays I leave there thinking, how do I find myself thinking this girl is charming? When she became one of my girls, it was the week that she brutally attacked a staff member. I was petrified, I didn't know what I should do and I was scared she would get upset with me in a session and black out and attack me. However, things turned out way different, and I am so happy about that. I have heard a lot of stories revolving anger and violence with her that at the end of the day, she has no remorse; and other days she has so many emotions I don't know what I should say. She is honestly one of my favorite girls to meet with her. She is open and willing to talk and she is pretty honest...it's refreshing in a way. She has some amazing goals in life, but her life has been hard and her anger gets in the way. I don't always understand her anger and its hard but its great that she is so open because it gives me a way to try and understand and help her understand. I constantly struggle with ways to help her with her anger, but I am starting to think that if I can help her focus on her goals and where she can pull her passion from maybe just maybe I can help her learn to re-direct her anger or just simply walk away.
My other girl that I love meeting with is a girl who self harms by biting her arms and swallowing things. The week she became my girl she swallowed white out and our first meeting was her talking about how she doesn't deserve to live or be happy and all she wants to do is die. She is only 15! She started out not going to school a lot because she was always physically managed from her self harm and acting out, and she was just struggling. There would be times that she would come around and then would "relapse" because of news that she heard or an emotion she couldn't handle. She also hears voices that tell her horrible things and so she does a lot of harm to herself to get rid of the voices. About a month ago she changed...she was making it to school every day, she was always happy and she wasn't self-harming. She went a full month with visits to other cottages, no self-harm, no acting out, and her mom was going to come out and see her because she had been doing so well. Then I came in for my hours yesterday... she had acted out with a peer and had self harmed and her level got dropped. When I went to see her in the time out room she told me she didn't deserve to be happy or receive any of the privledges she had that month she was doing so well. It broke my heart. She has an amazing heart, good sense of humor and she is just genuinely sweet. I have been able to make a connection with her on a level that some others haven't.
In fact, about a month ago she finally told me about some nightmares she had been having; she hadn't shared this with her therapist or anyone else. It was an amazing break-through...unfortunately it caused me to have the same nightmares because I wasn't doing self-care. We have worked for weeks on these nightmares and then I had a thought. When I was little I always slept with stuffed animals all over my bed because it made me feel safe. What if she had a stuffed animal? So on Wednesday, after I received approval, I brought her in a stuffed bear and told her that it is hers to sleep with. It will protect her and help her stay safe, and when she wakes up in the middle of the night and has a nightmare that bear will be there to protect her and talk to. Sometimes the best listener is the one that can't talk back. She was very excited and happy to recieve the bear...she even named it Amber. When I talked to her yesterday she told me that the nightmares have gotten better, she has been talking to her bear at night when she wakes up. And a couple weeks ago she told someone that one of her main supports was me. It felt so amazing to hear that. It makes me feel good to know that maybe I can do this, and that maybe I can make a small difference in someone's life.
These two girls have been the biggest eye opening experience for me. They have helped me learn so much about myself. I know that I can sit in a room with a girl and hear her talk about how she harmed herself and what it sounded like, or what she did to another person and not run out screaming or have a constant fear of meeting with them. I did have some doubt in the beginning and I still do...I am always wondering about if what I am saying or doing is the right thing, but at least I know that I can sit there and not be scared.
New realization of the internship
Three months into my internship and I have been on the most incredible, frustrating and amazing emotional roller coaster of my life! In the beginning I was having a really hard time because I wasn't sure if I could do it. I wanted to be there and I wanted to be able to believe I could do it, but I was having so many emotional days where I was struggling to control my own emotions by what these girls were telling me. I had a lot of conversations with my supervisor and I think eventually things began to sink in.
I was having a really hard time with things because I felt like I had no support system. I felt like no one wanted to hear what I had to say about the internship. I wanted to come home and share every detail with Matt of what I heard and saw that day, but he was only getting upset with me and I didn't understand. At work I felt like I couldn't share with anyone because they are all so sensitive and some expressed that they didn't want to hear about any of it. I also don't have that many friends so I felt like I was just stuck in this hole with no way out and no one to talk to. No one understood me, no one wanted to understand or care what I was doing or what I was feeling. I just felt horrible and it was beginning to affect every aspect of my life. Then, finally I had a conversation with one of the therapists at my internship and I think it finally sank in. She expressed that when she first started she wanted to go home and share things with her fiance and her friends, but it just couldn't be done, it just put stress on the relationships. What we see day in and day out and what we hear are things that most people do not want to hear. They don't always understand and they don't want to, that is why they chose not to be therapists. Finally it sank in and made sense, it was just so nice to hear it from a female and someone near my age. It took me a few more days but after that I just realized that it is okay for others to not hear all the details. I can come home and tell Matt some of the good things that happened or just say I had a really rough day and he will understand that, he doesn't need to know the details. I have other friends that do understand and do want to hear. I had a lot of conversations with people in the last couple weeks and it has been so helpful! I feel like weight has just been lifted off my shoulders and I am seeing so many things in a different light.
I have few friends that I can depend on, but luckily I have 2 friends that absolutely understand where I am coming from and what I am doing, and they don't mind hearing the details of what goes on in my sessions. One is in the field so nothing phases her and the other has been through so much that she is completely open and understands. I realize now that I don't need to tell the world. Every relationship is different and those are the two people I can depend on to share these things with and use as an outlet.
This internship is one of the best choices I ever made. I was absolutely frightened and didn't want to go to this place at all, but now, I couldn't imagine being anywhere else.
I was having a really hard time with things because I felt like I had no support system. I felt like no one wanted to hear what I had to say about the internship. I wanted to come home and share every detail with Matt of what I heard and saw that day, but he was only getting upset with me and I didn't understand. At work I felt like I couldn't share with anyone because they are all so sensitive and some expressed that they didn't want to hear about any of it. I also don't have that many friends so I felt like I was just stuck in this hole with no way out and no one to talk to. No one understood me, no one wanted to understand or care what I was doing or what I was feeling. I just felt horrible and it was beginning to affect every aspect of my life. Then, finally I had a conversation with one of the therapists at my internship and I think it finally sank in. She expressed that when she first started she wanted to go home and share things with her fiance and her friends, but it just couldn't be done, it just put stress on the relationships. What we see day in and day out and what we hear are things that most people do not want to hear. They don't always understand and they don't want to, that is why they chose not to be therapists. Finally it sank in and made sense, it was just so nice to hear it from a female and someone near my age. It took me a few more days but after that I just realized that it is okay for others to not hear all the details. I can come home and tell Matt some of the good things that happened or just say I had a really rough day and he will understand that, he doesn't need to know the details. I have other friends that do understand and do want to hear. I had a lot of conversations with people in the last couple weeks and it has been so helpful! I feel like weight has just been lifted off my shoulders and I am seeing so many things in a different light.
I have few friends that I can depend on, but luckily I have 2 friends that absolutely understand where I am coming from and what I am doing, and they don't mind hearing the details of what goes on in my sessions. One is in the field so nothing phases her and the other has been through so much that she is completely open and understands. I realize now that I don't need to tell the world. Every relationship is different and those are the two people I can depend on to share these things with and use as an outlet.
This internship is one of the best choices I ever made. I was absolutely frightened and didn't want to go to this place at all, but now, I couldn't imagine being anywhere else.
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