Last year's Christmas wasn't the best of time for Matt and I. Although we know it isn't all about the presents, we still didn't have any money to buy anything for anyone, or even help bring a food item. We were living in his parents basement, Matt didn't have a job and we were struggling to figure things out. However, we made it through and this Christmas was so much better.
Every Christmas Eve we spend time with Matt's Dad's side of the family. His side is so big that they reserve the hall at the post office where Matt's Dad works and then everyone comes there and it is like a big pot-luck, with a ton of sweets and different types of food. Every Christmas Eve at this celebration, even "Santa" shows up and has all the kids sit on his lap and they all get a toy and their picture taken. It is very cute. They also play the White Elephant game, which personally, I could do without, but it is funny to watch. Matt's Nina and Nino (Godparents) gave him a large tin of BEAUTIFUL Christmas ornaments that his Nina made by hand. They were just amazing, I think next year we will have to break down and buy a small Christmas tree for all the amazing ornaments. His Nina has given him one every year so he has quite the collection with the tin that he received this year.
On Christmas day we went to his parents house and celebrated. We went there a little before everyone else got there so that way his niece and nephews could open their presents from us and grandma and grandpa. They were all so cute...they get so excited about everything. Emilio was excited about a white box before he even knew what was in it. Nessa had gotten a gift for Grandma confused and thought it was hers...it was a flat screen TV and she did her best to hold onto that box and claim it as hers :). She got a small little 15" TV though too, but she wanted the huge flat screen instead. Shortly after the kids were done opening gifts we cleaned up and prepared the tables for all the family to come over and eat. I would say over 50 people showed up from his Mom's side, and that wasn't everyone. We had so much amazing food! We had prime rib, ham, and turkey and all the sides to go with! It was insane, but oh so good. After all the food was eaten and every one's stomach settled, we pulled 2 tables together and sat down and played games. It was a fun and amazing day/night.
I am slowly coming around to Christmas time, I used to wish it wasn't there, but now I am learning to love it. I am still getting used to all of the family traditions and the amount of family with Matt but in the end I still love them and the time I have with them.
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Winter Wonderland
I have lived in Colorado almost 3 years now, and I don't think I have experienced as many "snow-days" as I have this winter. By snow-days I don't mean days off, I really mean just days that it has snowed. Although most snow-falls we have only received about 5inches or less we still have had a lot of snow this winter. The best part though is that it is always warm-ish; for me at least. It gets about 20-30 most days but it is always nice out because the snow is almost always shining...which I love! The snow melts so much faster then! Just this week, I drove to work with snow on the streets and could barely see the lines, but when I went home there was no snow on the roads. And trust me, it wasn't plow trucks that helped, we never see those around here. Colorado really needs to adopt the way of plow trucks in Wisconsin. In La Crosse, before even an inch was down the plows were out sanding and plowing; here you don't see a plow truck unless the snow has stopped and there is like 2 feet of snow on the ground. It is a little ridiculous, no wonder there are so many accidents all the time. I think they just assume that the cars on the roads will clear it up for them.
Anyways...we had one week where it was negative for a couple days, but then by the weekend it was back in the 30's and 40's. The days where it was negative I felt so bad for my "little" Apollo...his paws didn't like the cold very much so when he had to go out for a walk/bathroom time, he would try to lift as many paws at once as he could because they were so cold. It was pretty cute and funny, I did laugh, but I still felt bad. He would stand and try to hold up 2 paws at once and then the opposite 2, poor guy. Rocky on the other hand loved it!!! He shoves his head into the snow and then throws the snow in the air, he doesn't even shake his head off, he just lets all the snow sit there. Sometimes he tries to run and gallop in the snow, and then he will just plop down and roll in it...it is so cute! Then he'll be so excited that when he is outside and when he gets in he will try to pounce and play and get down on his front paws with his butt in the air...I love it. If anyone has ever seen a "psycho" puppy...where all they do is tear around and jump and run and what-not...imagine a 100lb St. Bernard trying to do that; it doesn't work so well...but it sure is funny! It looks like he is continuously hopping because he is so big and so excited. He is so funny.
So in the end I am not a huge fan of winter, but living in Colorado definitely helps to sway me, or at least make the days that it snows a little better. The sun is always out and so when it is cold, it still isn't that cold...Wisconsin definitely has Colorado beat in the coldness and snow factor. Some days I walk outside and think its spring because of the snow melting and the sun being out. I don't know how many times I have forgotten that it is November or December...it is just crazy, but once again, I love it!
Anyways...we had one week where it was negative for a couple days, but then by the weekend it was back in the 30's and 40's. The days where it was negative I felt so bad for my "little" Apollo...his paws didn't like the cold very much so when he had to go out for a walk/bathroom time, he would try to lift as many paws at once as he could because they were so cold. It was pretty cute and funny, I did laugh, but I still felt bad. He would stand and try to hold up 2 paws at once and then the opposite 2, poor guy. Rocky on the other hand loved it!!! He shoves his head into the snow and then throws the snow in the air, he doesn't even shake his head off, he just lets all the snow sit there. Sometimes he tries to run and gallop in the snow, and then he will just plop down and roll in it...it is so cute! Then he'll be so excited that when he is outside and when he gets in he will try to pounce and play and get down on his front paws with his butt in the air...I love it. If anyone has ever seen a "psycho" puppy...where all they do is tear around and jump and run and what-not...imagine a 100lb St. Bernard trying to do that; it doesn't work so well...but it sure is funny! It looks like he is continuously hopping because he is so big and so excited. He is so funny.
So in the end I am not a huge fan of winter, but living in Colorado definitely helps to sway me, or at least make the days that it snows a little better. The sun is always out and so when it is cold, it still isn't that cold...Wisconsin definitely has Colorado beat in the coldness and snow factor. Some days I walk outside and think its spring because of the snow melting and the sun being out. I don't know how many times I have forgotten that it is November or December...it is just crazy, but once again, I love it!
Life with 2 dogs
Life with 2 HUGE dogs has certainly been interesting. They always keep us on our toes. We had some rough starts with Rocky in the beginning. We adopted Rocky mainly for Apollo, so he could have a friend to play with when we are gone, but unfortunately Rocky didn't feel the same way. He feels safer in a kennel, and when he isn't in one, he poops in the house when we are not home (even though he is house-trained). We were getting so frustrated that we had to start putting Rocky back in a kennel; which also meant that Apollo had to go back on the prozac. Apollo is pretty wild sometimes and it is best that he stays on the prozac anyways.
Rocky seems to have some anxiety issues around other dogs...although his first visit at the dog park and at doggy day care with us went well, every visit after that didn't go so well. He started fights with dogs and then Apollo would join in. We are not sure if it is the "pack" mentality or what the issue is, but until we have the money and time to take him to some training sessions (privately) we are exercising our dogs with walks and in home activities. It is hard, knowing that your dog is the one starting the fight, especially when they are both just lovers - especially with Rocky. All he wants to do is be loved and petted, that's all he cares about. Greeting people he does 100 times better than Apollo. He is very slow and somber and just walks to you, where Apollo jumps, licks and so much more. It is hard.
We still sometimes wish that we would have waited for a puppy-puppy, things may have been easier because we would have had him from the start and the mentality and training would be different. Right now we don't know everything that Rocky has been through, so it makes things hard. We still love him very much, but things are still hard sometimes.
I still think that Apollo is happier though, it is hard to tell but I think he is better now than he was before, at least now he has a friend and they still play together in the house and outside. Soon we will be looking for a house to rent with a backyard so they have a place to play, maybe we will get a sturdy dog run too so that way they can stay outside while we are gone during the days.
So although times have been hard, they have been great too. The good times have out-weighed the bad and we have strategized ways to make things better for us and the dogs. Things are working out. There is just a period of adjustment and I think after that time is done our dogs will be better, we (Matt and I) just need to do a little more research and work a little harder. I'm sure there will be more updates on the dogs to come!
Rocky seems to have some anxiety issues around other dogs...although his first visit at the dog park and at doggy day care with us went well, every visit after that didn't go so well. He started fights with dogs and then Apollo would join in. We are not sure if it is the "pack" mentality or what the issue is, but until we have the money and time to take him to some training sessions (privately) we are exercising our dogs with walks and in home activities. It is hard, knowing that your dog is the one starting the fight, especially when they are both just lovers - especially with Rocky. All he wants to do is be loved and petted, that's all he cares about. Greeting people he does 100 times better than Apollo. He is very slow and somber and just walks to you, where Apollo jumps, licks and so much more. It is hard.
We still sometimes wish that we would have waited for a puppy-puppy, things may have been easier because we would have had him from the start and the mentality and training would be different. Right now we don't know everything that Rocky has been through, so it makes things hard. We still love him very much, but things are still hard sometimes.
I still think that Apollo is happier though, it is hard to tell but I think he is better now than he was before, at least now he has a friend and they still play together in the house and outside. Soon we will be looking for a house to rent with a backyard so they have a place to play, maybe we will get a sturdy dog run too so that way they can stay outside while we are gone during the days.
So although times have been hard, they have been great too. The good times have out-weighed the bad and we have strategized ways to make things better for us and the dogs. Things are working out. There is just a period of adjustment and I think after that time is done our dogs will be better, we (Matt and I) just need to do a little more research and work a little harder. I'm sure there will be more updates on the dogs to come!
Internship update
Hey everyone! As I spoke to my Dad yesterday he pointed out that I haven't written a blog in a while. There were some small circumstances where I didn't have the chance to get into the room where our computer was kept for long periods of time and so I apologize for how long it has been since I have updated.
My first update will be of my internship. I will be starting in January at Excelsior which is a residential treatment facility for girls ages 11-20 with extreme behavior disorders. I have 2 orientation days the first week of January and then the 13th will be my first official day! The area I will be working in is called the TLC section. Excelsior offers schooling and living quarters for the girls that have their disorders under control or can function with minimal difficulty. However, the TLC section is like a psych-ward, this is where some of the girls work on controlling their disorders before they can be released into the rest of the facility. It is like a rehabilitation center.
Some of the things that I will be doing there is sitting in on different group counseling sessions for different topics, and I will also be doing some evaluations for the girls that are just arriving at Excelsior. I will also be receiving my own clients, which I must admit is a little scary and exciting all at the same time. My main client load will be girls that suffer from conduct disorder, oppositional defiant disorder and anti-social personality disorder. For about the first month or so I will be working with my supervisor and learning the ropes, but after that I kind of have free rein to do what I want to do. He is going to let me "spread my wings" and experience this amazing opportunity on my own and help me when I need it.
For about 6 months my life is going to be crazy! Starting the 13th I will be working 9-5 every Wednesday at Excelsior and Friday mornings until about noon. I will also be assigned research projects and regular paperwork to understand what the process is like. I will still be trying to work 40 hours a week at Children's so I will be going in there at 6am on the days that I don't work at Excelsior, and most days I will stay late. I may also need to go in on Saturday mornings to cover some hours as well. THEN... every other Tuesday I have my internship class from 5-8ish. It is going to be crazy. Lucky for me I have an amazing supervisor who has worked with me and is helping me figure out how to keep my 40 hours and is also more than willing to let me be gone to finish my Masters degree. She and our director are working on so many projects to keep me busy and finding ways to help me, I couldn't ask for better people to help me with this.
I am hoping to be done with my internship by the end of June but it may be a little longer. I need to have 660 hours and only 280 of that will be direct contact, the rest is all indirect (which is the hardest to get). I was supposed to have a graduation date of May but due to the schedule I need and the credits I need at school I pushed everything back to August to give myself time; although I hope to be done way before that.
This internship is going to be exciting, stressful, intense and full of surprises. I am so nervous but at the same time I can't wait to see what the internship brings. I am already brainstorming ideas to keep my emotions some what low. I know I will be dealing with a lot, just Mon-Fri and it is going to be hard. I will barely see Matt...but in the end of things it will be worth it. As my supervisor/friend keeps telling me "keep your eye on the light at the end of the tunnel." So that's all I can do. After I have started the internship I hope I can find some time to update everyone on how the process is going. Of course I will have my limitations on what I can share but I will do my best. Thanks for listening!
My first update will be of my internship. I will be starting in January at Excelsior which is a residential treatment facility for girls ages 11-20 with extreme behavior disorders. I have 2 orientation days the first week of January and then the 13th will be my first official day! The area I will be working in is called the TLC section. Excelsior offers schooling and living quarters for the girls that have their disorders under control or can function with minimal difficulty. However, the TLC section is like a psych-ward, this is where some of the girls work on controlling their disorders before they can be released into the rest of the facility. It is like a rehabilitation center.
Some of the things that I will be doing there is sitting in on different group counseling sessions for different topics, and I will also be doing some evaluations for the girls that are just arriving at Excelsior. I will also be receiving my own clients, which I must admit is a little scary and exciting all at the same time. My main client load will be girls that suffer from conduct disorder, oppositional defiant disorder and anti-social personality disorder. For about the first month or so I will be working with my supervisor and learning the ropes, but after that I kind of have free rein to do what I want to do. He is going to let me "spread my wings" and experience this amazing opportunity on my own and help me when I need it.
For about 6 months my life is going to be crazy! Starting the 13th I will be working 9-5 every Wednesday at Excelsior and Friday mornings until about noon. I will also be assigned research projects and regular paperwork to understand what the process is like. I will still be trying to work 40 hours a week at Children's so I will be going in there at 6am on the days that I don't work at Excelsior, and most days I will stay late. I may also need to go in on Saturday mornings to cover some hours as well. THEN... every other Tuesday I have my internship class from 5-8ish. It is going to be crazy. Lucky for me I have an amazing supervisor who has worked with me and is helping me figure out how to keep my 40 hours and is also more than willing to let me be gone to finish my Masters degree. She and our director are working on so many projects to keep me busy and finding ways to help me, I couldn't ask for better people to help me with this.
I am hoping to be done with my internship by the end of June but it may be a little longer. I need to have 660 hours and only 280 of that will be direct contact, the rest is all indirect (which is the hardest to get). I was supposed to have a graduation date of May but due to the schedule I need and the credits I need at school I pushed everything back to August to give myself time; although I hope to be done way before that.
This internship is going to be exciting, stressful, intense and full of surprises. I am so nervous but at the same time I can't wait to see what the internship brings. I am already brainstorming ideas to keep my emotions some what low. I know I will be dealing with a lot, just Mon-Fri and it is going to be hard. I will barely see Matt...but in the end of things it will be worth it. As my supervisor/friend keeps telling me "keep your eye on the light at the end of the tunnel." So that's all I can do. After I have started the internship I hope I can find some time to update everyone on how the process is going. Of course I will have my limitations on what I can share but I will do my best. Thanks for listening!
Monday, November 2, 2009
New pup!
I know I haven't posted anything in a while but life has been a little crazy. We have adopted a new dog!! His name is Rocky and he is a pure bred St. Bernard.
The road for us and him has been long but now he is in a good home. He is a little over a year old and about 100lbs. We rescued him from an organization called Big Dogs Huge Paws...they are amazing. When they found him he had a chemical burn on his back and appeared mal-nourished; every now and then he still cowers and acts like you might beat him depending on the noise or the fast movement.
However, he is a huge love bug. He loves nothing more than to cuddle up and lay right on you.
Our choice to get another dog was not necessarily for us, it was for Apollo. He needed a buddy and we decided now was the time. We couldn't take another day of watching him sulk and be depressed as he watched all the other dogs outside.
When Apollo and Rocky first met it was a little "rocky" for both of them. However, once we went on a short walk and brought them both upstairs they played like buddies. We signed the paperwork, everyone left and Matt and I looked at the dogs and said "Now what?" The dogs tricked us those first couple of hours. The first night was okay...but the next 3 days were the roughest. We love Apollo and we adopted Rocky for him and for the first 3 days they hated each other. Apollo looked so depressed that I wanted to cry. Rocky wanted to just lay on Matt and I and be the boss and Apollo loves dogs and people and he didn't know what to do. There were 2 big fights regarding food and toys...but they were shortly resolved. Then on a Tuesday afternoon when Matt had off I got a text message saying that they were playing!! It was such great news! Before the text every time Ap
ollo would even walk past Rocky, Rocky would growl at him. I even contacted the agency because I was so scared it wouldn't work out. She told us it could take up to a month...but it didn't. Now they are best buds and love to play around...they have a few small disputes every now and then but they work it out :)
On a small little soap box for a moment...
I stand by my decision to adopt a dog and not go through a breeder. I think it is important to try and enforce the decision to adopt a dog as opposed to breeding. We donated a good portion of money to Big Dogs Huge Paws to stand by our decision. Our money goes straight back to the dogs, all the people that are foster parents and work for the organization are volunteers. They do not get paid and I think that is amazing! Matt and I are considering becoming foster parents to dogs maybe in the next couple years. There are so many dogs out there that are amazing dogs, despite their baggage. Even with Rocky's baggage we couldn't be happier. He really is an amazing, loveable dog. I urge others to really think about their decisions when "purchasing" a pet. Choose to adopt, we found a full bred, and if that's what you want you can find one too. If you want you can check out the site that we adopted from www.bigdogshugepaws.com I still look every now and then to read the success stories, but every day more pictures of dogs in need go up. I love this organization though because the dogs live in a foster home...not a facility. We have had such an amazing experience and I encourage others to research and of course ADOPT A PET!! :)
Thanks for reading!
Monday, September 28, 2009
Doggy Daycare!!!
Friday was a very big day for both Apollo and myself! It was his first day at doggy daycare!!
Both Matt and I had to work on Friday but I also had class until 9 and Matt works until 8 so we decided to take Apollo to a doggy daycare on Friday morning for the day so he could be EXAUSTED that night.
I took him there bright and early...it's called Digstown. The first day is always free for every dog so we didn't even have to pay for it. I felt like I was dropping my child off on the first day of day care...I know I am a sap and a wierdo. They came out, put the leash around his head and they took off down the hallway and around the corner, Apollo never even noticed I wasn't there :( I was a little saddened but so excited for him, I even tried calling during the day to check in but no one answered.
I left work and drove straight to Digstown, they called Apollo up to the front and the minute he saw me he ran to me with his tail wagging! I wish I had a camera to take a picture, he was so cute. He was giving kisses and rubbing all over me...and as dirty as he was I didn't even care... I was just so excited to see him and hear that he had a good time. He was marked as being great with both humans and dogs.
On the way home he slumped over and leaned against the door in the back seat and immediately layed down when we got home. He was exausted all through Saturday. I think we will be taking him back very soon...
Continuing happiness
This weekend after class on Saturday there was a big get together at Shawn and Raul's house (Matt's Cousins) for Matt's Aunt Ev being in town. I was so lucky to have gotten done with class earlier than expected and was able to spend an amazing time with his family.
There was food, volleyball, laughter and even some karaoke and dancing on the lawn. I can't think of a single time that I have not had fun with this family. They truly are amazing and I love spending time with them. I also love that they consider me family and I am finally letting go of my insecurities and beginning to call them my family also.
I have not forgotten my family and I have not replaced my family, I have just gained more family. I hate not being able to see my Dad and not being able to meet his new wife yet, I miss my Uncle Jeff and my cousins and I even miss my Grandma, she may be a little crazy at times but I still love her. I wish I was able to see and talk to all of them more than I do but I am trying to get better at making the time to keep in contact. I think if I would have realized all that I know now, I would have made the time more special when I was with them. But now I know that when I see them again, I will definitely make the time memorable!
Well, back to Saturday, there isn't much to say but I just wanted to put down what a good time I had. For a while I have tried to hide the fact that I have a good time and love Matt's family, because I was afraid of hurting one person. Although that person is important, I can no longer hide my happiness, it isn't right. I looked around on Saturday night and saw all the friendly laughing faces, and then I realized I was laughing too and didn't want to leave. I don't think I could ask for a better expansion to my family...and I hope that someday soon they will meet the members of my family that mean the world to me. So...on Saturday I ate, talked, laughed, took pictures and even wrestled with the kids, and although all of it was such a good time, my favorite part was when Am
elio fell asleep in my lap. 
There was food, volleyball, laughter and even some karaoke and dancing on the lawn. I can't think of a single time that I have not had fun with this family. They truly are amazing and I love spending time with them. I also love that they consider me family and I am finally letting go of my insecurities and beginning to call them my family also.
I have not forgotten my family and I have not replaced my family, I have just gained more family. I hate not being able to see my Dad and not being able to meet his new wife yet, I miss my Uncle Jeff and my cousins and I even miss my Grandma, she may be a little crazy at times but I still love her. I wish I was able to see and talk to all of them more than I do but I am trying to get better at making the time to keep in contact. I think if I would have realized all that I know now, I would have made the time more special when I was with them. But now I know that when I see them again, I will definitely make the time memorable!
Well, back to Saturday, there isn't much to say but I just wanted to put down what a good time I had. For a while I have tried to hide the fact that I have a good time and love Matt's family, because I was afraid of hurting one person. Although that person is important, I can no longer hide my happiness, it isn't right. I looked around on Saturday night and saw all the friendly laughing faces, and then I realized I was laughing too and didn't want to leave. I don't think I could ask for a better expansion to my family...and I hope that someday soon they will meet the members of my family that mean the world to me. So...on Saturday I ate, talked, laughed, took pictures and even wrestled with the kids, and although all of it was such a good time, my favorite part was when Am
elio fell asleep in my lap. 
Happiness
I have just gotten home from therapy and from therapy I have been able to admit the following:
I am happy!
I have an amazing boyfriend who's family is amazing and accepts me for who I am and as part of their family.
I also have some pretty amazing family of my own. Most of them are happy for me and only want what is best for me and what makes me happy.
I understand that by admitting I am happy in where I am in life, who I spend my time with, and who I decide to call my family...I may be hurting someone, but unfortunately, my happiness is more important to me. They should be happy for me too and if they are not then I must remember this:
I cannot change them I can only change my reactions.
I hope that these are words I will be able to live by and I hope that I continue to stay happy. I also hope that the rest of my family that is happy for me will stand beside me when I make the decisions that I do.
Thank you to those who are happy for me and to those I call family.
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Frustrations
I originally thought that I was going to start my internship this semester, in October. However, as things went on the placement I had set-up was starting to feel un-easy. Something didn't feel right to me so I listened to my gut and pushed everything back until January.
One of the reasons that I did that was because one of the places I wanted to work for was not taking interns until January. I had really wanted to intern at this location because it worked with chronically mentally ill individuals. Their main clientele consisted of individuals suffering from the following disorders: Schizophrenia, Bi-Polar, Borderline, Major Depression, Eating Disorders and Substance Abuse and a few others. I really thought that this place would give me the exposure I need to discover if that is the clientele I can handle working with. I called and set up an interview for this last Monday, yesterday I received the call that said I did not get the position. They chose the other girl because she had more experience with this clientele.
I was very disappointed and frustrated. This is the first time that I have ever not gotten something after an interview has been done. I know that could sound egotistical but it is the truth. That also means that for the first time I am really having to deal with the rejection of a job that I really wanted. The interview went so well and I really thought I was going to get it, but unfortunately experience always wins out in the end.
That is so frustrating! How can I gain the experience if I am not allowed to have the opportunity to gain the experience? I know there is more out there and that in the end this just means this was not the right place for me. I am trying hard to believe what I normally do - that everything happens for a reason. In practicum they tell us that you will get the client that you need, and I did. Now I just have to believe that I will get the internship that I need and I will. I know that I'll eventually find something, it has just been so frustrating. Also knowing that almost everyone I started the program with is graduating before the end of this year or have already graduated is hard too. I feel like I am behind even though I know that I am not. I chose to take this slow course and in many ways I am glad that I did, but sometimes I still feel like others are looking down on me for not being done sooner.
Anyways, to try and end on a better note, I know that I will find something and I am really thinking hard about what places to intern at. I want to push myself and be open to everything because that is how I will get the best experience. I just have to be patient.
One of the reasons that I did that was because one of the places I wanted to work for was not taking interns until January. I had really wanted to intern at this location because it worked with chronically mentally ill individuals. Their main clientele consisted of individuals suffering from the following disorders: Schizophrenia, Bi-Polar, Borderline, Major Depression, Eating Disorders and Substance Abuse and a few others. I really thought that this place would give me the exposure I need to discover if that is the clientele I can handle working with. I called and set up an interview for this last Monday, yesterday I received the call that said I did not get the position. They chose the other girl because she had more experience with this clientele.
I was very disappointed and frustrated. This is the first time that I have ever not gotten something after an interview has been done. I know that could sound egotistical but it is the truth. That also means that for the first time I am really having to deal with the rejection of a job that I really wanted. The interview went so well and I really thought I was going to get it, but unfortunately experience always wins out in the end.
That is so frustrating! How can I gain the experience if I am not allowed to have the opportunity to gain the experience? I know there is more out there and that in the end this just means this was not the right place for me. I am trying hard to believe what I normally do - that everything happens for a reason. In practicum they tell us that you will get the client that you need, and I did. Now I just have to believe that I will get the internship that I need and I will. I know that I'll eventually find something, it has just been so frustrating. Also knowing that almost everyone I started the program with is graduating before the end of this year or have already graduated is hard too. I feel like I am behind even though I know that I am not. I chose to take this slow course and in many ways I am glad that I did, but sometimes I still feel like others are looking down on me for not being done sooner.
Anyways, to try and end on a better note, I know that I will find something and I am really thinking hard about what places to intern at. I want to push myself and be open to everything because that is how I will get the best experience. I just have to be patient.
Saturday, September 5, 2009
A step back...
Do you ever take a moment to look at your life and how far you have come? Just step back, like an out of body experience, and see where you are standing today and reflect back on how far you have come? I sometimes feel like I am going through a mid-life crisis or something...I have been more reflective these days and I am not sure why. Sometimes it is hard and sometimes it is easy but it is all such an interesting feeling and experience.
I recently have needed to take the time to sit and reflect on how far I have come, in all the areas in my life. It's interesting because I also find myself watching other people, in a different light, and realizing that they too have come so far but they are so caught up in the everyday effects of life that they often forget who they are and how they got to be where they are today. Of course, I forget to but it's watching others that help me realize I need to remember how far I have come.
I watch a person who everyday chooses to ignore the experiences of their life. They want to keep it all inside and never let it out, never talk about it. They are hindering important relationships in their lives because of how they feel and how they have been hurt. Of course I understand the holding back and hiding, but I also have a strong opinion that it always helps to put it out there...even to just one person. I love therapy for many reasons and I think this person could benefit from a non-biased opinion. They told me that they wish they could but they don't want to know. There are many reasons that this can be for which I understand, but everyday it helps me to remember that I am learning to let things go and remember that all the bad experiences in my life, made me who I am today. All the heartaches, break-ups, deaths, friendships lost and more has made me stronger. I am also choosing to work through the hardest losses in my life and come out on the end a stronger person. I am willing to look inside myself, even to the bad stuff, the flaws, and realize that this is who I am and I can change it, accept it or I can choose to ignore it. I choose the first two.
I have come a long way through out the years, and sometimes I feel like I have moved mountains with in myself in the time that I have lived in Colorado. Moving here was the best decision I could have ever made, it has made me realize so much about myself and life and it has brought me amazing opportunities - it also brought me to Matt. We are coming up on 2 years together and I am amazingly happy with him. For once I didn't let the opinions of others affect me, I worked through it instead...with Matt. He is 5 years younger than me, and although people think it matters, does it really? No. When I am 50 and he is 45 no one will say anything, but because we are under 30 everyone has an opinion. Well I say screw it, I am happy and that is all that matters. That thought has always stuck with me as something my Uncle Jeff said to me. In all the boys I dated, no matter what he may have thought, he always told me "If your happy, that's all that matters." I am so thankful he said that to me, because you always here it from movies, books, magazines, etc. But when it comes from family it means more, and no one will ever know why but my therapist and Matt but when it came from my Uncle Jeff, it meant the world, it changed something for me. So anyway, what I am getting at is that I have never been more happy with anyone in my life than with Matt. And, as I have said before, I am still getting used to his family, but I still love them too. They welcomed me and treated me like family from the beginning, it is an amazing feeling.
In reflection of the title of this blog "a step back..." I focus a lot on Matt and our relationship because it has kept me strong and helped me realize that no matter what happens I am going to be okay. In taking a step back and looking at my life I look at the move I made and the choice to stay when I could have left. For me, staying was the best decision. When stepping back and looking at friends, I know who will always be there, who has always been there and who I can trust and why. Friends are difficult, they might be the hardest relationships sometimes, especially if your guarded like I am. It's difficult to know who you can trust...especially when you leave. It's amazing how many "close" friends I have to stalk on facebook just to see what their life is like...they may be considering moving to the Cities, they may have lost someone or be having a baby or buying a house. How would I ever know? No one ever calls or texts just to say hi, guess what happened with me? I've left and am slowly being forgotten by most. I'm off on another tangent, so I'll stop by saying, it still hurts but I am moving past it. Part of my new "letting go" attitude. I also will almost be done with school... I will have the following initials behind my name: BS, MS, NCC. My bachelors, masters and my licensure to practice therapy in any state. I also know that I have amazing opportunities coming up because I am a hard worker and a fast learner, I am dedicated to my job and the people in my job. I know amazing people who accept me and want me around and that is an amazing feeling at a place of employment.
So, as this blog is getting too long I must plant one seed for whoever reads this. Stop right now and often and step back from where you are standing. Look at who you are and what you have become. No one is perfect and we all have flaws, but be willing to look at them in a different light and also realize what may seem like a flaw to you may be amazing to someone else. We are always going to want more in life, it is just in the human nature, but we must also take the time to stop and realize how many great things we have now and what we have overcome. Just take one step back...for one small moment in time and really look at where you are.
I recently have needed to take the time to sit and reflect on how far I have come, in all the areas in my life. It's interesting because I also find myself watching other people, in a different light, and realizing that they too have come so far but they are so caught up in the everyday effects of life that they often forget who they are and how they got to be where they are today. Of course, I forget to but it's watching others that help me realize I need to remember how far I have come.
I watch a person who everyday chooses to ignore the experiences of their life. They want to keep it all inside and never let it out, never talk about it. They are hindering important relationships in their lives because of how they feel and how they have been hurt. Of course I understand the holding back and hiding, but I also have a strong opinion that it always helps to put it out there...even to just one person. I love therapy for many reasons and I think this person could benefit from a non-biased opinion. They told me that they wish they could but they don't want to know. There are many reasons that this can be for which I understand, but everyday it helps me to remember that I am learning to let things go and remember that all the bad experiences in my life, made me who I am today. All the heartaches, break-ups, deaths, friendships lost and more has made me stronger. I am also choosing to work through the hardest losses in my life and come out on the end a stronger person. I am willing to look inside myself, even to the bad stuff, the flaws, and realize that this is who I am and I can change it, accept it or I can choose to ignore it. I choose the first two.
I have come a long way through out the years, and sometimes I feel like I have moved mountains with in myself in the time that I have lived in Colorado. Moving here was the best decision I could have ever made, it has made me realize so much about myself and life and it has brought me amazing opportunities - it also brought me to Matt. We are coming up on 2 years together and I am amazingly happy with him. For once I didn't let the opinions of others affect me, I worked through it instead...with Matt. He is 5 years younger than me, and although people think it matters, does it really? No. When I am 50 and he is 45 no one will say anything, but because we are under 30 everyone has an opinion. Well I say screw it, I am happy and that is all that matters. That thought has always stuck with me as something my Uncle Jeff said to me. In all the boys I dated, no matter what he may have thought, he always told me "If your happy, that's all that matters." I am so thankful he said that to me, because you always here it from movies, books, magazines, etc. But when it comes from family it means more, and no one will ever know why but my therapist and Matt but when it came from my Uncle Jeff, it meant the world, it changed something for me. So anyway, what I am getting at is that I have never been more happy with anyone in my life than with Matt. And, as I have said before, I am still getting used to his family, but I still love them too. They welcomed me and treated me like family from the beginning, it is an amazing feeling.
In reflection of the title of this blog "a step back..." I focus a lot on Matt and our relationship because it has kept me strong and helped me realize that no matter what happens I am going to be okay. In taking a step back and looking at my life I look at the move I made and the choice to stay when I could have left. For me, staying was the best decision. When stepping back and looking at friends, I know who will always be there, who has always been there and who I can trust and why. Friends are difficult, they might be the hardest relationships sometimes, especially if your guarded like I am. It's difficult to know who you can trust...especially when you leave. It's amazing how many "close" friends I have to stalk on facebook just to see what their life is like...they may be considering moving to the Cities, they may have lost someone or be having a baby or buying a house. How would I ever know? No one ever calls or texts just to say hi, guess what happened with me? I've left and am slowly being forgotten by most. I'm off on another tangent, so I'll stop by saying, it still hurts but I am moving past it. Part of my new "letting go" attitude. I also will almost be done with school... I will have the following initials behind my name: BS, MS, NCC. My bachelors, masters and my licensure to practice therapy in any state. I also know that I have amazing opportunities coming up because I am a hard worker and a fast learner, I am dedicated to my job and the people in my job. I know amazing people who accept me and want me around and that is an amazing feeling at a place of employment.
So, as this blog is getting too long I must plant one seed for whoever reads this. Stop right now and often and step back from where you are standing. Look at who you are and what you have become. No one is perfect and we all have flaws, but be willing to look at them in a different light and also realize what may seem like a flaw to you may be amazing to someone else. We are always going to want more in life, it is just in the human nature, but we must also take the time to stop and realize how many great things we have now and what we have overcome. Just take one step back...for one small moment in time and really look at where you are.
Monday, August 31, 2009
Coming to an end...
As September begins I am already ready for it to be over...at the end of September-beginning of October I will officially be done with my "class" classes. No more endless weekends of sitting in class and wondering when it will end...my program is coming to a close. I will still need to finish my internship, have internship classes and study for my NCE (National Counselors Exam) in April, but I am almost done. The internship is the last big step.
It is so hard for me to believe it is almost over. Once you start kindergarten you spend years upon years of just going to school. It's always the next step, even after my undergrad I knew it wasn't the end, there would be one more, if not two more steps for me to take in schooling. Now it is almost done, now what do I do. It is so scary and exciting at the same time. I have never been so scared to see the small light at the end of the tunnel. This is going to be it, I'll have a Masters degree in COUNSELING!!! I have waited so long to get here and now it is so close.
Yet at the same time I am going to have to make a big decision soon. I can't say what it is yet (I am not pregnant and I am not buying a house and Matt and I are not getting married...yet) but it will be a big decision and could affect a big portion of my life. When it all is able to come out and people see what I am talking about, they may not feel the same, but it really is a big decision. I think talking with my therapist today really helped me through what I am going to do about the situation but it still scares me a little. I am worried of letting people down...and most of all I am worried about letting myself down in the future for making this decision. I don't think it could happen, but I always have to look at the worst scenario to make sense of it all. So stay tuned...when I can say more about this decision I will.
Anyways...I just wanted to share and reflect on the fact that I am so close to being done with my program. I have worked hard for this and it has taken a long time to get here and a lot of self discovery but I have made it. One thing I know for sure is that no matter how scared I am of the internship, final exams and the end result...I am going to do it, because I know it's what I want. It's all going to turn out how it should and I will end up exactly where I am supposed to be.
It is so hard for me to believe it is almost over. Once you start kindergarten you spend years upon years of just going to school. It's always the next step, even after my undergrad I knew it wasn't the end, there would be one more, if not two more steps for me to take in schooling. Now it is almost done, now what do I do. It is so scary and exciting at the same time. I have never been so scared to see the small light at the end of the tunnel. This is going to be it, I'll have a Masters degree in COUNSELING!!! I have waited so long to get here and now it is so close.
Yet at the same time I am going to have to make a big decision soon. I can't say what it is yet (I am not pregnant and I am not buying a house and Matt and I are not getting married...yet) but it will be a big decision and could affect a big portion of my life. When it all is able to come out and people see what I am talking about, they may not feel the same, but it really is a big decision. I think talking with my therapist today really helped me through what I am going to do about the situation but it still scares me a little. I am worried of letting people down...and most of all I am worried about letting myself down in the future for making this decision. I don't think it could happen, but I always have to look at the worst scenario to make sense of it all. So stay tuned...when I can say more about this decision I will.
Anyways...I just wanted to share and reflect on the fact that I am so close to being done with my program. I have worked hard for this and it has taken a long time to get here and a lot of self discovery but I have made it. One thing I know for sure is that no matter how scared I am of the internship, final exams and the end result...I am going to do it, because I know it's what I want. It's all going to turn out how it should and I will end up exactly where I am supposed to be.
Prozac...
Well, previously I wrote about getting Apollo some doggy prozac, which we did. We got him a drug called Reconcile that you are to use along with a behavioral program to ease your dogs separation anxiety. He actually was doing really well. The garbage wasn't knocked over everyday and he wasn't eating everything plastic in sight. As the bottle neared the end we had to make a decision: Do we pay another $65 for 30 days of the pills or see how he does without them? Of course we chose see how he does without them. We wanted to see if he had improved on his own or if it really was the drugs....
I came home to find the garbage knocked down and spread through out the house, a salt container that had teeth holes and trails of salt though out the house, a 5th remote eaten, a bottle of deoderant gone and the best part...a butcher knife laying on my floor of our walkway with the rubber handle eaten...needless to say the best decision was to place him back on meds.
Through the recommendation of my friend Michelle we called the vet and asked if there was a cheaper version and he wrote us a prescription for generic adult prozac and we were able to get a 90 day supply for only $10!! So we have put him back on it and are hoping for the best and waiting for it to kick back in. Until then I clean up garbage everyday off my floor....
However, I know that when I look at his cute, adorable face, that he loves me and I love him. If it wasn't for us someone else could have gotten him that didn't have the patience and understanding. They could have given him back only for him to go through numerous homes or even put down...I know it is the extreme thought but almost everyone has told us to give him back, but we won't. We love him and he loves us, that's why he has the anxiety. He is a good boy and he wants to be a better boy, he just needs the time and training to do so.
I came home to find the garbage knocked down and spread through out the house, a salt container that had teeth holes and trails of salt though out the house, a 5th remote eaten, a bottle of deoderant gone and the best part...a butcher knife laying on my floor of our walkway with the rubber handle eaten...needless to say the best decision was to place him back on meds.
Through the recommendation of my friend Michelle we called the vet and asked if there was a cheaper version and he wrote us a prescription for generic adult prozac and we were able to get a 90 day supply for only $10!! So we have put him back on it and are hoping for the best and waiting for it to kick back in. Until then I clean up garbage everyday off my floor....
However, I know that when I look at his cute, adorable face, that he loves me and I love him. If it wasn't for us someone else could have gotten him that didn't have the patience and understanding. They could have given him back only for him to go through numerous homes or even put down...I know it is the extreme thought but almost everyone has told us to give him back, but we won't. We love him and he loves us, that's why he has the anxiety. He is a good boy and he wants to be a better boy, he just needs the time and training to do so.
Friday, July 24, 2009
Dentist...
Okay, so the last time I was at the dentist was 3 years ago!! It was before I moved to Colorado. The years have been tough and benefits haven't always been there. Needless to say I have known for a long time that I need a dentist appointment, for the last 6 months I have had benefits to support that need and continued to put it off. I have been petrified to go to the dentist because it has been so long. I was sure I would have at least 6 cavities and that my cleaning would kill me!
To my suprise, after the x-rays...the dentist came in and went over all of my teeth and informed me that the only thing I need done is a crown on the tooth that had a root canal performed on it! What?! I couldn't believe it! I had to ask twice to be sure I didn't have cavaties! My teeth don't hurt or anything I just figured that with that lapse of time I was bound to have a few.
Then there was a cancellation the next day for a cleaning so I took it. My appointment began at 4pm. I asked how long it normally takes so I could prepare myself...she told me that it all depends on the amount of build up but they normally give an hour. As she began the cleaning, she kept telling me there wasn't much build up at all...my appointment was over and I was out the door at 4:18! I am so proud of myself! I can't help but gloat!
To my suprise, after the x-rays...the dentist came in and went over all of my teeth and informed me that the only thing I need done is a crown on the tooth that had a root canal performed on it! What?! I couldn't believe it! I had to ask twice to be sure I didn't have cavaties! My teeth don't hurt or anything I just figured that with that lapse of time I was bound to have a few.
Then there was a cancellation the next day for a cleaning so I took it. My appointment began at 4pm. I asked how long it normally takes so I could prepare myself...she told me that it all depends on the amount of build up but they normally give an hour. As she began the cleaning, she kept telling me there wasn't much build up at all...my appointment was over and I was out the door at 4:18! I am so proud of myself! I can't help but gloat!
Birthday
My birthday was this last Monday, the 20th. Matt and I celebrated my birthday during the weekend since we thought that he was going to be working on the day of. We spent most of the day Saturday wandering around Northfield Shopping Center, which was exausting but fun. We ended up having to eat Qdoba...ugh! I do not recommend it. I will stand by Chipotle till the end of time! Qdoba's chicken tasted like rubber chicken horribly cooked at a BBQ. It was disgusting. Anyway, on Sunday we relaxed and went to dinner at Red Lobster. Although Matt hates seafood and their choice for steak are not that inviting, he goes for me every year on my birthday.
On Monday I went to work and tried to pass it off that it wasn't my birthday - - I didn't even put it on our calendar; however, I failed to remember that Lara's brother's birthday was the same day so she remembered and everyone pitched in for an ice cream cake from Dairy Queen. It was so sweet of them, I really didn't need anything at all. Matt ended up being home the night of my birthday so we walked around the Cherry Creek Mall and admired things we couldn't have :) and then went and ate at Las Delicias which is a mexican restaurant.
Oddly enough I found this birthday very difficult. For a lot of reasons. It was like crossing over a hump, I know that I am still young and everything but it was still difficult to cross over to the other side of 25. How stupid is that? I feel as though I am not where I should be at in my life, although, the question really should be, who decided where I should be at this point in my life. I just notice others my age who are married, having children, buying a house, settling in at their job, etc and I don't have any of that. I am not saying that I am ready for all of that yet, but I am afraid that is where my concern lies. I worry that I am on the wrong track or path and am not going to be ready until I may be too old. I know it all sounds stupid but I can't help but think it. It was also hard not having many close friends near by to celebrate. I also found it hard when the people I considered friends only wished me Happy Birthday on Facebook. I know that sounds stupid too. I just thought that my "best friend" would at least consider a text or quick phone call, but I guess not. However, I still enjoyed all of the birthday wishes online, it made me feel appreciated and cared about. Of course I still had other text messages as well for my Birthday which I was so happy to get and couldn't believe those people cared enough about me to send me a text. As a side note, I am not mad at anyone who didn't text me...except the one person who I thought was my best friend and I am finding out they are not. I just wanted to throw that out there ;)
So instead of feeling sorry for myself, I think now is a good time to go through things that I have experienced in my life...good and bad that make me the person I am today. I have come a long way and have fought with everything I have to achieve what I have and be where I am. Life is not always easier...in fact I think it gets harder, but that's okay. I have come a long way from who I used to be. I know that when things seem hard, everything will still be okay in the end. I just have to look at what I have and who I have by my side and know that I am going to be okay. I also have learned to believe in Karma, if you never see the good side, never believe in yourself, or do bad things...it will come back to bite you in the ass. BUT if you can TRY to find the good side of things or realize that you are going to be okay no matter what, and do something nice every now and then, Karma will help you in the end.
I have also come a long with my schooling, I am almost done! It is so hard to believe. I have this next weekend, 2 more classes (4 weekends) and then I am done; except my internship. It is just crazy to believe that I will be done with the class portion of my education and know that in a year or so I could be a therapist! Crazy!
I think one of the most important things I have ever done was move. I moved from La Crosse when no one thought I would, I moved across states-1000 miles away, I also have been gone for 2 1/2 years with no plan of moving back (or visiting) when everyone thought I wouldn't last a year. Moving was the best decision I have ever made. It improved my independance, made me appreciate things I didn't before, given me opportunities that I don't think I could have had in La Crosse and it has shown me who my true friends are and who I can trust. I have also found an amazing boyfriend whom I love and can see a future with, and with him came an amazing family that has accepted and supported us and me from the beginning.
Lastly, I cannot forget what other memories my birthday holds. On July 20th, 2001 4 people passed away; 2 of them were friends who I had known for years. I hold memories with both and every year I remember that tragic day when 4 young peoples lives ended. Although it has been 8 years it is still hard, and although I may not have been as close as others were with them, I still hold memories and sometimes I still feel guilty for wanting to celebrate. That year we lost so many people...those losses brought people together, tore them apart and taught us all lessons; lessons, reminders and memories that I take with me everyday. Julia, Tyra, Steve and Cory you will never be forgotten, in our hearts you will always remain.
On Monday I went to work and tried to pass it off that it wasn't my birthday - - I didn't even put it on our calendar; however, I failed to remember that Lara's brother's birthday was the same day so she remembered and everyone pitched in for an ice cream cake from Dairy Queen. It was so sweet of them, I really didn't need anything at all. Matt ended up being home the night of my birthday so we walked around the Cherry Creek Mall and admired things we couldn't have :) and then went and ate at Las Delicias which is a mexican restaurant.
Oddly enough I found this birthday very difficult. For a lot of reasons. It was like crossing over a hump, I know that I am still young and everything but it was still difficult to cross over to the other side of 25. How stupid is that? I feel as though I am not where I should be at in my life, although, the question really should be, who decided where I should be at this point in my life. I just notice others my age who are married, having children, buying a house, settling in at their job, etc and I don't have any of that. I am not saying that I am ready for all of that yet, but I am afraid that is where my concern lies. I worry that I am on the wrong track or path and am not going to be ready until I may be too old. I know it all sounds stupid but I can't help but think it. It was also hard not having many close friends near by to celebrate. I also found it hard when the people I considered friends only wished me Happy Birthday on Facebook. I know that sounds stupid too. I just thought that my "best friend" would at least consider a text or quick phone call, but I guess not. However, I still enjoyed all of the birthday wishes online, it made me feel appreciated and cared about. Of course I still had other text messages as well for my Birthday which I was so happy to get and couldn't believe those people cared enough about me to send me a text. As a side note, I am not mad at anyone who didn't text me...except the one person who I thought was my best friend and I am finding out they are not. I just wanted to throw that out there ;)
So instead of feeling sorry for myself, I think now is a good time to go through things that I have experienced in my life...good and bad that make me the person I am today. I have come a long way and have fought with everything I have to achieve what I have and be where I am. Life is not always easier...in fact I think it gets harder, but that's okay. I have come a long way from who I used to be. I know that when things seem hard, everything will still be okay in the end. I just have to look at what I have and who I have by my side and know that I am going to be okay. I also have learned to believe in Karma, if you never see the good side, never believe in yourself, or do bad things...it will come back to bite you in the ass. BUT if you can TRY to find the good side of things or realize that you are going to be okay no matter what, and do something nice every now and then, Karma will help you in the end.
I have also come a long with my schooling, I am almost done! It is so hard to believe. I have this next weekend, 2 more classes (4 weekends) and then I am done; except my internship. It is just crazy to believe that I will be done with the class portion of my education and know that in a year or so I could be a therapist! Crazy!
I think one of the most important things I have ever done was move. I moved from La Crosse when no one thought I would, I moved across states-1000 miles away, I also have been gone for 2 1/2 years with no plan of moving back (or visiting) when everyone thought I wouldn't last a year. Moving was the best decision I have ever made. It improved my independance, made me appreciate things I didn't before, given me opportunities that I don't think I could have had in La Crosse and it has shown me who my true friends are and who I can trust. I have also found an amazing boyfriend whom I love and can see a future with, and with him came an amazing family that has accepted and supported us and me from the beginning.
Lastly, I cannot forget what other memories my birthday holds. On July 20th, 2001 4 people passed away; 2 of them were friends who I had known for years. I hold memories with both and every year I remember that tragic day when 4 young peoples lives ended. Although it has been 8 years it is still hard, and although I may not have been as close as others were with them, I still hold memories and sometimes I still feel guilty for wanting to celebrate. That year we lost so many people...those losses brought people together, tore them apart and taught us all lessons; lessons, reminders and memories that I take with me everyday. Julia, Tyra, Steve and Cory you will never be forgotten, in our hearts you will always remain.
Friday, July 17, 2009
Yes! Drugs!
After arriving home to an anxiety driven dog with a bleeding tail I took him to the vet. $142 later and we left with a bandaged tail and some doggy prozac. I know that drugs are not the answer but they will help him. The drugs will be able to help calm his anxiety while we also retrain his behavioral issues. We will still have to work hard, but hopefully things will be a little easier.
They bandaged his tail and it appears as though he is leaving it alone, so hopefully it will heal so we don't have to amputate...that would be so sad. His tail is a HUGE part of his personality and I love it, despite how much it hurts when it wacks you, especially when you are a boy, just ask Matt. :)
In an earlier blog I mentioned a pheramone plug in called D.A.P. well at the vet today I was informed that they have a collar option. This way the pheramone is always with him wherever he goes. It reacts to heat so when he becomes anxious it will release the pheramone and help to soothe him. The vet has actually heard of a higher success with the collar than with the plugin...so I have to wait until they order them, which will be Monday, but I am willing to try it.
I am however regretting spending the money on BarkBusters training, all though it has helped a little with small things, I don't think she is very helpful with big things. All she talks about for his anxiety is how we shouldn't live an apartment and that we should get out of our lease and get a house...some things are just not that easy lady! We are still going to work with her especially with leash and off leash training and working around distractions. I am still going to listen to advice for retraining his separation anxiety behavior but I am still a little frustrated.
I will keep updating on how Apollo is doing and how his drugs are working. Thanks to those who have been so supportive.
They bandaged his tail and it appears as though he is leaving it alone, so hopefully it will heal so we don't have to amputate...that would be so sad. His tail is a HUGE part of his personality and I love it, despite how much it hurts when it wacks you, especially when you are a boy, just ask Matt. :)
In an earlier blog I mentioned a pheramone plug in called D.A.P. well at the vet today I was informed that they have a collar option. This way the pheramone is always with him wherever he goes. It reacts to heat so when he becomes anxious it will release the pheramone and help to soothe him. The vet has actually heard of a higher success with the collar than with the plugin...so I have to wait until they order them, which will be Monday, but I am willing to try it.
I am however regretting spending the money on BarkBusters training, all though it has helped a little with small things, I don't think she is very helpful with big things. All she talks about for his anxiety is how we shouldn't live an apartment and that we should get out of our lease and get a house...some things are just not that easy lady! We are still going to work with her especially with leash and off leash training and working around distractions. I am still going to listen to advice for retraining his separation anxiety behavior but I am still a little frustrated.
I will keep updating on how Apollo is doing and how his drugs are working. Thanks to those who have been so supportive.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Busted out!!
Well, today was the first day with the new kennel...
Yep, he busted out. I swear, I have a dog with mutant genes or something .Nothing works with this dog. This weekend I am going to buy a plug in thing at Pet Smart that is to release a pheramone that is to calm his anxiety but I fear it will not work. I also will try to get to the vet this weekend to get him some serious drugs. This is getting ridiculous and frustrating. This dog has crazy strength. He actually pulled the kennel door in to the kennel...with what appears to be his teeth. None of the bars are busted and his paws don't fit through the small openings, so his mouth is the only thing that I can gather that could have achieved this type of escape.
WHAT AM I GOING TO DO???!!! I don't know how much longer this can go on.
Yep, he busted out. I swear, I have a dog with mutant genes or something .Nothing works with this dog. This weekend I am going to buy a plug in thing at Pet Smart that is to release a pheramone that is to calm his anxiety but I fear it will not work. I also will try to get to the vet this weekend to get him some serious drugs. This is getting ridiculous and frustrating. This dog has crazy strength. He actually pulled the kennel door in to the kennel...with what appears to be his teeth. None of the bars are busted and his paws don't fit through the small openings, so his mouth is the only thing that I can gather that could have achieved this type of escape.
WHAT AM I GOING TO DO???!!! I don't know how much longer this can go on.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Alone
I know that I am not alone in the physical sense. I have an amazing boyfriend whom I love to no end and who loves me more than anyone ever has...I also have family both his and mine and I have co-workers and friends. However, because of my guarded personality I don't have close friends. I don't have friends that I just call up and chat with...or like now, when I am down and needing to talk I have no where to go, so I turn to a blog in hopes that it will relieve some pain and pressure. It's not that people won't be there to listen, I know they will, the problem is I don't know who I could call and I don't want to be a burden. For some reason I feel it is unfair for me to discuss what is going on with me to someone...I should be there for them and what they are going through, not the other way around. I love being the person that people come to for advice or just to have me listen, that's who I am. However, I feel I have no one to go to when I need a sounding board or a shoulder to cry on. I've lost the people who I thought I could trust for that, and now I don't know who to trust. I hate being guarded but I don't know what else to do. I just want someone to allow me to cry, talk and be me and try to understand.
Stressed, confused...
I am struggling to find an outlet for all the things I need to say and all the things that I feel. Even on here I feel as though I can't fully release everything that I want to but yet, I feel I need to say something before I explode with overwhelming emotions.
I have not been able to see my therapist in over a month and I can't believe how much I need that time. That time is a great outlet for me to discuss whatever I am feeling and not be judged on what I have to say. Sometimes I wonder how I made it this far without having that person on my side.
I find myself being confused and hurt by so many things in life, but at the same time I am happy about where I am in life. I have come a long way and have learned a lot of things and I would never change any of that, however, I struggle to find a balance and worse, I struggle to find friendship and trust.
Many of my previous blogs have been about the loss of friendship. I know that in life we sometimes have to say goodbye to people and lose friends that we never thought we'd lose, but I still can't accept it. In Wisconsin there were so many people I thought were my close friends, best friends, but then almost three years later I find out that I was wrong. How could that be? It is so confusing. I dropped everything to be there for people, I have amazing memories to last a lifetime and yet it seems like none of that matters. I look at my life now and my circle of friends...and my circle from Wisconsin has diminished significantly. The people who I thought would always be there are no longer there. I don't know about the exciting changes in their life unless I look at Facebook statuses and it appears that they don't care about my changes in life or what I am doing because I never see a comment on my status or my page just even saying hi. I also find it so amazing that when I use Facebook for an outlet for my emotions or anger, the people that respond or comment are the people I never would have thought would, and the people who I thought would always respond, don't even seem to care.
I'm trying to learn to say goodbye and move on and realize this is a part of life, but it hurts to know that when I think about visiting La Crosse, the thought makes me sick to my stomach because I don't even want to go back...ever. I would prefer my family to come to me so I never have to return. How sad is that? How do I even deal with that? Some of my "friends" from La Crosse I am okay with just staying social friends, if you will, where I talk to them occasionally and if I go back I will see them at the bar or plan a dinner or whatever...but there is one person who I have drifted so far apart from that I just can't even stand it. It's not that my other friends are less important, it's just that this one person was so important to me...and when I left it felt the same, but now that time has moved on it seems I am no longer important, despite the effort I make in trying to stay in contact with them. I know this is something I have to go through and experience, but I have such a hard time with it. When I try and confront anyone with how we have lost touch...the comments are dealing with being busy, working, etc. I don't accept these excuses. We have Facebook, cell phones, text messaging, emails...no matter what you are doing in a day there should be time once every couple months to find time to text or write on a Facebook wall...even if it is just a hello. I see other Facebook posts all the time... is it my distance that makes me able to be forgotten about? Is it because I defied all odds and never moved back like everyone betted on? No one believed I would move, no one believed I would stay...well I did and although I am hurting from losing people in my life...I still couldn't be happier with my decision. I took a chance that many aren't willing to take, especially from La Crosse, and I made it real and although times have been hard I have never looked back.
I don't mean to ramble on I just can't believe how little I mean to someone...someone who I thought was a best friend, someone who I thought would always be there for me. I went through some of my toughest times this year and they weren't there...it appeared they didn't even care. I am going to try and move on, but I can't promise this will be the last blog I have about losing friends because I can't process what is happening. Unfortunately, I need to say goodbye and they will never know...would they even care?
I have not been able to see my therapist in over a month and I can't believe how much I need that time. That time is a great outlet for me to discuss whatever I am feeling and not be judged on what I have to say. Sometimes I wonder how I made it this far without having that person on my side.
I find myself being confused and hurt by so many things in life, but at the same time I am happy about where I am in life. I have come a long way and have learned a lot of things and I would never change any of that, however, I struggle to find a balance and worse, I struggle to find friendship and trust.
Many of my previous blogs have been about the loss of friendship. I know that in life we sometimes have to say goodbye to people and lose friends that we never thought we'd lose, but I still can't accept it. In Wisconsin there were so many people I thought were my close friends, best friends, but then almost three years later I find out that I was wrong. How could that be? It is so confusing. I dropped everything to be there for people, I have amazing memories to last a lifetime and yet it seems like none of that matters. I look at my life now and my circle of friends...and my circle from Wisconsin has diminished significantly. The people who I thought would always be there are no longer there. I don't know about the exciting changes in their life unless I look at Facebook statuses and it appears that they don't care about my changes in life or what I am doing because I never see a comment on my status or my page just even saying hi. I also find it so amazing that when I use Facebook for an outlet for my emotions or anger, the people that respond or comment are the people I never would have thought would, and the people who I thought would always respond, don't even seem to care.
I'm trying to learn to say goodbye and move on and realize this is a part of life, but it hurts to know that when I think about visiting La Crosse, the thought makes me sick to my stomach because I don't even want to go back...ever. I would prefer my family to come to me so I never have to return. How sad is that? How do I even deal with that? Some of my "friends" from La Crosse I am okay with just staying social friends, if you will, where I talk to them occasionally and if I go back I will see them at the bar or plan a dinner or whatever...but there is one person who I have drifted so far apart from that I just can't even stand it. It's not that my other friends are less important, it's just that this one person was so important to me...and when I left it felt the same, but now that time has moved on it seems I am no longer important, despite the effort I make in trying to stay in contact with them. I know this is something I have to go through and experience, but I have such a hard time with it. When I try and confront anyone with how we have lost touch...the comments are dealing with being busy, working, etc. I don't accept these excuses. We have Facebook, cell phones, text messaging, emails...no matter what you are doing in a day there should be time once every couple months to find time to text or write on a Facebook wall...even if it is just a hello. I see other Facebook posts all the time... is it my distance that makes me able to be forgotten about? Is it because I defied all odds and never moved back like everyone betted on? No one believed I would move, no one believed I would stay...well I did and although I am hurting from losing people in my life...I still couldn't be happier with my decision. I took a chance that many aren't willing to take, especially from La Crosse, and I made it real and although times have been hard I have never looked back.
I don't mean to ramble on I just can't believe how little I mean to someone...someone who I thought was a best friend, someone who I thought would always be there for me. I went through some of my toughest times this year and they weren't there...it appeared they didn't even care. I am going to try and move on, but I can't promise this will be the last blog I have about losing friends because I can't process what is happening. Unfortunately, I need to say goodbye and they will never know...would they even care?
Exercsing
Well, I have really been working at trying to find exercise that keeps me wanting to do it. I love going to the gym and being on the elliptical but unfortunately I have to leave Apollo alone and suffer with the anxiety factor, which makes me not want to go to the gym. However, Apollo needs a ton of exercise and although he goes to the dog park 2-3 times a week, sometimes that is not enough for this large crazy dog of ours. I have decided to try taking up running again, with Apollo. I discovered on mapmyfitness.com that my apartment complex is approx. 1 mile around, so I have slowly began running again.
I began last week and went on both Monday and Tuesday but by Wednesday my body was in pain, good pain, but I was sore and exausted. I took a break and then had class and have been insanely tired the beginning of this week but am going to get back in the swing of things tomorrow, whether I like it or not. This is what I want to do and I enjoy running. It keeps me energized and although I am tired and in pain, I feel good about myself and what I am doing.
I can't run the whole thing without stopping but I do measure how far I can run before I need to walk and how long I need to walk for. Apollo's excitement level has come in handy for once with keeping me inspired to continue running. Since there are so many dogs surrounding us they are always on walks and he always wants to lunge and greet them, but if we are running he isn't as occupied by them...therefore I must keep running or start when I see a dog coming.
Inspired by Dance your Ass off!! I am also considering starting dancing aerobics on Comcast On Demand...why not, anything that will help shed some weight and get me in better shape while being fun is well worth it. However I do kind of feel like an idiot dancing in my living room and worrying if people can see me, even though I know they can't.
Also, I think I have made the decision to run in the AIDS Run for Colorado on August 15th. I know that it is only a 5K (3.2 miles) but I think it would be for an amazing cause and a great accomplishment. I have been thinking about it for a couple days now and I really think that I want to give it a try. I don't have to run the whole thing but darnit I have a month to warm myself up and you better believe that I am going to try!
I began last week and went on both Monday and Tuesday but by Wednesday my body was in pain, good pain, but I was sore and exausted. I took a break and then had class and have been insanely tired the beginning of this week but am going to get back in the swing of things tomorrow, whether I like it or not. This is what I want to do and I enjoy running. It keeps me energized and although I am tired and in pain, I feel good about myself and what I am doing.
I can't run the whole thing without stopping but I do measure how far I can run before I need to walk and how long I need to walk for. Apollo's excitement level has come in handy for once with keeping me inspired to continue running. Since there are so many dogs surrounding us they are always on walks and he always wants to lunge and greet them, but if we are running he isn't as occupied by them...therefore I must keep running or start when I see a dog coming.
Inspired by Dance your Ass off!! I am also considering starting dancing aerobics on Comcast On Demand...why not, anything that will help shed some weight and get me in better shape while being fun is well worth it. However I do kind of feel like an idiot dancing in my living room and worrying if people can see me, even though I know they can't.
Also, I think I have made the decision to run in the AIDS Run for Colorado on August 15th. I know that it is only a 5K (3.2 miles) but I think it would be for an amazing cause and a great accomplishment. I have been thinking about it for a couple days now and I really think that I want to give it a try. I don't have to run the whole thing but darnit I have a month to warm myself up and you better believe that I am going to try!
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Dance your ass off!!!
After watching re-runs of America's Next Top Model (don't start with me...I can't help it, I love that show), the re-run of Dance Your Ass Off! came on and so I decided to watch it. I found myself being overwhelmed with emotions as these people told their stories and discovered what their true weights were. These contestants were amazing!!! They can move! Some of the contestants lost over 10lbs in 1 week!! How amazing and great is that for them?! Sorry for all the exclamation points, I just found myself so emotional and so excited for these contestants. Some of the contestants face diabetes, obesity and life changes that have caused them to gain weight and it is amazing what great spirits and excitement they have. I mean they were all just so happy and were proud to be out there and shaking their asses off!! It was just great to me and I loved how the wardrobe didn't try to cover them...they made real dance outfits for them and these contestants went out there and rocked it! It was just great to watch and see these individuals out there having a great time and being excited and happy about who they are.
On the other hand, I found myself so disappointed to know that someone had to go home in the end. I mean, barely a week into it and the girl who was a model and gained 65lbs in 2 years had to go home. I felt so bad for her. A lot of these contestants feel that this really is their last shot at losing their weight to live healthy, long lives and this girl barely got the chance to prove what she could do. I don't really know how else to explain myself, I was just so saddened for her and disappointed that the show didn't do more. I don't know what I expected them to do, I mean it is a competition and someone has to go home, but I just wish they would have kept her in contact with a nutritionist, therapist or even a trainer to help her continue to lose the weight and feel better about herself. That could of course be something that was done behind the scenes, but I just felt at a loss that this girl went home after one week and this is a serious show about these individuals wanting to lose weight to live and be healthy.
The show was interesting for me to watch because of the field I am in. I have chosen to not specialize in eating disorders as a therapist in the future. I will never turn a client down but I know that there are better qualified therapists out there for them. However, I really wanted to work with this clientele as well, especially after watching the contestants talk about their lives and their families. What heartache and hardships they must have gone through. I don't know, I just sat there wishing I could do something for other people out there facing any eating disorder. Other people don't always understand the hardships individuals go through who are overweight...there are stereotypes and I am beginning to notice that people just focus on the stereotype and not the person. As I get older I find myself realizing more and more about life and people. It is all so interesting. Also, as a side note, I am not forgetting about individuals who suffer with bulimia/anorexia, binge-eating, emotional eating, crash diets, all of the eating disorders and eating problems people face everyday; this show was focused on those who are overweight for many different reasons. I also think that people who are overweight may suffer from more stereotypes and other stigmas than other people...that is why there is a show like this. It helps them to feel better about themselves but also to become better and healthier.
However, I still think the show was great and the idea behind it is great too. These people involved are just so committed and focused and have amazing stories. I was proud of them for going out there on national TV and shaking their "asses off." I am now officially addicted to that show as well. Oh boy, someone help me. I watch one episode of something and I am addicted and have to find out what happens next ;)
On the other hand, I found myself so disappointed to know that someone had to go home in the end. I mean, barely a week into it and the girl who was a model and gained 65lbs in 2 years had to go home. I felt so bad for her. A lot of these contestants feel that this really is their last shot at losing their weight to live healthy, long lives and this girl barely got the chance to prove what she could do. I don't really know how else to explain myself, I was just so saddened for her and disappointed that the show didn't do more. I don't know what I expected them to do, I mean it is a competition and someone has to go home, but I just wish they would have kept her in contact with a nutritionist, therapist or even a trainer to help her continue to lose the weight and feel better about herself. That could of course be something that was done behind the scenes, but I just felt at a loss that this girl went home after one week and this is a serious show about these individuals wanting to lose weight to live and be healthy.
The show was interesting for me to watch because of the field I am in. I have chosen to not specialize in eating disorders as a therapist in the future. I will never turn a client down but I know that there are better qualified therapists out there for them. However, I really wanted to work with this clientele as well, especially after watching the contestants talk about their lives and their families. What heartache and hardships they must have gone through. I don't know, I just sat there wishing I could do something for other people out there facing any eating disorder. Other people don't always understand the hardships individuals go through who are overweight...there are stereotypes and I am beginning to notice that people just focus on the stereotype and not the person. As I get older I find myself realizing more and more about life and people. It is all so interesting. Also, as a side note, I am not forgetting about individuals who suffer with bulimia/anorexia, binge-eating, emotional eating, crash diets, all of the eating disorders and eating problems people face everyday; this show was focused on those who are overweight for many different reasons. I also think that people who are overweight may suffer from more stereotypes and other stigmas than other people...that is why there is a show like this. It helps them to feel better about themselves but also to become better and healthier.
However, I still think the show was great and the idea behind it is great too. These people involved are just so committed and focused and have amazing stories. I was proud of them for going out there on national TV and shaking their "asses off." I am now officially addicted to that show as well. Oh boy, someone help me. I watch one episode of something and I am addicted and have to find out what happens next ;)
Happy 4th!!!!
Matt was able to get the fourth off, even though they didn't tell him until the day before! So that was great, I was starting to get worried it would just be me and Apollo hanging out watching fire works from the balcony.
Our day began dropping Apollo off at the in-laws. We decided that would be best because normally when we go to Aunt Josies we are there late into the night and it would be best if he was not alone. So we dropped Apollo off, grabbed some beer and headed to Josies. I chose not to bring a swimsuit for many reasons, one I don't have one and was not about to buy one, two - there is so much pressure when it comes to wearing a suit to Josie's (dang water volleyball). :) So shortly after arriving Matt changed into his suit and the water festivities began. However before this I got to watch Matt's nephews explore the world of floaties!!! They were adorable! Amilio has no fear and he jumps right in the pool from the edge and sticks his face under the water like a champ! Sonny was more of a fan being thrown into the air and caught while his nemo trunks fell off and his little bottom was exposed. I just love watching those kids, especially since they are twins, they are so different from one another but they are both amazing kids. I love them. Vanessa had an adorable little fairy suit on that had a little skirt think sewn in and she looked so cute. She is very fearful however...she had floaties and a little swimming tube to stay a float, but it didn't matter to her she was amazing in the pool "Amber look at me, I'm swimming in the pool!!" It was adorable.
While at Josies Matt received a text from his friend Danny asking us if we wanted to come over to their house...so we decided around 7 we would leave and head to Danny and Samantha's house. Which, as much as I love Matt's family, I was kind of excited about because otherwise Matt would have kept drinking and losing money to his family long into the night while I sat camped out on the couch reading a book. Yes I could choose to partake in the poker but I also choose not too :)
So we left about 7 and headed to Matt's parents to grab Apollo. Danny and Samantha have a great dane and they live close to us so it was best to get Apollo. Now keep in mind that we dropped Apollo off around 1pm at Matt's parents so it has been about 6 hours that he has been at their place...with 2 other dog companions in a fenced backyard. We pull up and Matt rounds up Apollo...and his fat lip! Yes, once again Apollo has managed to harm himself at the in-laws. We have no idea what happened, it doesn't appear to be cut or bleeding or open in any way, he just has a fat lip. What will we ever do with this dog? Being that this is not the first time this has happened, I have made the decision that this last time really was the last. No matter how calm he becomes or what happens, he cannot go there again without supervision because he is too tempted to injure himself one way or another.
Anyway, we packed him and busted lip in the car and headed over to Danny and Samantha's where we spent the rest of our evening. Although it was uneventful, besides the 2 random times that Apollo found his way out of their backyard and the meeting of the ferret and Apollo, we really had a great time. It was nice to just sit around, chat, drink and have some amazing salsa that I have officially fallen in love with (mango peach).
Well, that is how we spent our fourth, we didn't even watch any fireworks...but yet it was fun. I hope everyone else had a great fourth!
Our day began dropping Apollo off at the in-laws. We decided that would be best because normally when we go to Aunt Josies we are there late into the night and it would be best if he was not alone. So we dropped Apollo off, grabbed some beer and headed to Josies. I chose not to bring a swimsuit for many reasons, one I don't have one and was not about to buy one, two - there is so much pressure when it comes to wearing a suit to Josie's (dang water volleyball). :) So shortly after arriving Matt changed into his suit and the water festivities began. However before this I got to watch Matt's nephews explore the world of floaties!!! They were adorable! Amilio has no fear and he jumps right in the pool from the edge and sticks his face under the water like a champ! Sonny was more of a fan being thrown into the air and caught while his nemo trunks fell off and his little bottom was exposed. I just love watching those kids, especially since they are twins, they are so different from one another but they are both amazing kids. I love them. Vanessa had an adorable little fairy suit on that had a little skirt think sewn in and she looked so cute. She is very fearful however...she had floaties and a little swimming tube to stay a float, but it didn't matter to her she was amazing in the pool "Amber look at me, I'm swimming in the pool!!" It was adorable.
While at Josies Matt received a text from his friend Danny asking us if we wanted to come over to their house...so we decided around 7 we would leave and head to Danny and Samantha's house. Which, as much as I love Matt's family, I was kind of excited about because otherwise Matt would have kept drinking and losing money to his family long into the night while I sat camped out on the couch reading a book. Yes I could choose to partake in the poker but I also choose not too :)
So we left about 7 and headed to Matt's parents to grab Apollo. Danny and Samantha have a great dane and they live close to us so it was best to get Apollo. Now keep in mind that we dropped Apollo off around 1pm at Matt's parents so it has been about 6 hours that he has been at their place...with 2 other dog companions in a fenced backyard. We pull up and Matt rounds up Apollo...and his fat lip! Yes, once again Apollo has managed to harm himself at the in-laws. We have no idea what happened, it doesn't appear to be cut or bleeding or open in any way, he just has a fat lip. What will we ever do with this dog? Being that this is not the first time this has happened, I have made the decision that this last time really was the last. No matter how calm he becomes or what happens, he cannot go there again without supervision because he is too tempted to injure himself one way or another.
Anyway, we packed him and busted lip in the car and headed over to Danny and Samantha's where we spent the rest of our evening. Although it was uneventful, besides the 2 random times that Apollo found his way out of their backyard and the meeting of the ferret and Apollo, we really had a great time. It was nice to just sit around, chat, drink and have some amazing salsa that I have officially fallen in love with (mango peach).
Well, that is how we spent our fourth, we didn't even watch any fireworks...but yet it was fun. I hope everyone else had a great fourth!
Hawaii
Although the title sounds exciting the blog itself is not. I have been thinking for over 2 years on when I can make it back to Hawaii to see my Dad, meet his wife and enjoy a vacation with such beautiful scenery with Matt and have them meet. My Dad of course asks me every phone call when I can come, which is great, I love that he wants to see me so much. However, under the pressure I cracked and said we could make it in August without really thinking about how life actually works. If we had money, August would be the only reasonable time because my life goes hectic after September 10th...however we don't have the money or the time or the stress-free set of mind. Unfortunately, after further consideration and really looking at life's turn of events we decided it could not be done. I had to call him and break the bad news. I hope he knows how much it hurt me to tell him I can't make it and that a trip will have to wait until next year when I graduate. I feel that will be a much better time to go because we could go for two weeks (we have a yearish to plan and save) and we could really spend quality time there without worrying about our dog, money, bills, PTO, etc. We did not want to feel rush, pressured or worried being that we had less than 2 months to plan and save and figure out what to do with Apollo.
Having a dog really is like having a child, especially when that dog has special "needs." It would cost money to kennel him, if we paid a sitter they could never leave unless they were prepared to handle a hyperactive dog trying to maul them when they got home from over excitement, and the "in-laws" are no longer an option because he is not safe in their backyard. He knows there is no boundaries and he doesn't always learn from first, second, or third mistakes so he is injured everytime he is there (the most recent will be in another blog).
We have so much going on and I am dealing with so many things personally that I just think now is not the time. I have to consider my life as it is and where it stands financially and Hawaii just can't be an option right now. I am heartbroken but what can I do? Even though he offered to pay it is not feasible...either way money would still be spent, PTO would still be used or not used and stress will continue to be a factor. I had to be wise and careful in my decision, it is just unfortunate.
However, I look forward to planning and saving for an amazing trip in June. I will be graduating, it will be summer and we can relax! We can do so much more then, maybe even visit another island, I still have yet to do that. It will come, I just have to be patient and wise with financial decisions.
Having a dog really is like having a child, especially when that dog has special "needs." It would cost money to kennel him, if we paid a sitter they could never leave unless they were prepared to handle a hyperactive dog trying to maul them when they got home from over excitement, and the "in-laws" are no longer an option because he is not safe in their backyard. He knows there is no boundaries and he doesn't always learn from first, second, or third mistakes so he is injured everytime he is there (the most recent will be in another blog).
We have so much going on and I am dealing with so many things personally that I just think now is not the time. I have to consider my life as it is and where it stands financially and Hawaii just can't be an option right now. I am heartbroken but what can I do? Even though he offered to pay it is not feasible...either way money would still be spent, PTO would still be used or not used and stress will continue to be a factor. I had to be wise and careful in my decision, it is just unfortunate.
However, I look forward to planning and saving for an amazing trip in June. I will be graduating, it will be summer and we can relax! We can do so much more then, maybe even visit another island, I still have yet to do that. It will come, I just have to be patient and wise with financial decisions.
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Accident
So last week on June 20th I was driving home after a Lia Sophia party and I decided to get in the other lane, the right lane. Well as I was driving I noticed that the red mustang on my left hand side was starting to veer into my lane, so I started honking my horn and he swerved back. Then I start to pull a little further and he gets behind me at full speed and runs into my while I am continuosly honking my horn. He hits me, gets back into the left lane and speeds off...up onto the middle median of grass and trees! He misses about 4 or 5 trees and is driving sideways on the median, runs into a stop sign, goes down the median and up the next median! Misses another tree and swerves to the right where he hits a subaru that was parked on the side of the street, turns that car sideways, goes over the curb, misses a tree and hits an old Ford Tempo which is where his car finally stops.
On the right side of the street there is a greek festival going on, but luckily he stopped before going into it and he also missed any children or people that were on the street/sidewalk. I pull my car over into their parking lot and run out only to hear people yelling "give him room, give him room!" He was having a seizure! His air bags deployed and by the time his seizure had stopped he was unconscious. Luckily the fire department and ambulance were not far from where the accident occurred so he was taken away on a stretcher within less than 15 minutes of his crash.
It was so scary! At first I thought he was hitting me and than running, until I saw him go up that median at full speed; then I knew something was wrong. Thank God that he hit me instead of turning into the festival and that I was honking my horn so people were watching (not that they would have missed him going up the median), but it was so lucky that he missed all of the trees and that he didn't hit anyone. I haven't talked to his insurance company but I am hoping that he is okay and nothing serious happened to him. It was just so crazy to watch, I couldn't imagine having experienced that from his side.
My car is still drivable and I am fine. I had not serious injuries, I just had a small backache and I have a cracked bumper that his insurance will be paying for. Also, if I need a rental my insurance covers up to $30 a day. So I am fine I just couldn't believe what I had witnessed, what a crazy moment in time.
On the right side of the street there is a greek festival going on, but luckily he stopped before going into it and he also missed any children or people that were on the street/sidewalk. I pull my car over into their parking lot and run out only to hear people yelling "give him room, give him room!" He was having a seizure! His air bags deployed and by the time his seizure had stopped he was unconscious. Luckily the fire department and ambulance were not far from where the accident occurred so he was taken away on a stretcher within less than 15 minutes of his crash.
It was so scary! At first I thought he was hitting me and than running, until I saw him go up that median at full speed; then I knew something was wrong. Thank God that he hit me instead of turning into the festival and that I was honking my horn so people were watching (not that they would have missed him going up the median), but it was so lucky that he missed all of the trees and that he didn't hit anyone. I haven't talked to his insurance company but I am hoping that he is okay and nothing serious happened to him. It was just so crazy to watch, I couldn't imagine having experienced that from his side.
My car is still drivable and I am fine. I had not serious injuries, I just had a small backache and I have a cracked bumper that his insurance will be paying for. Also, if I need a rental my insurance covers up to $30 a day. So I am fine I just couldn't believe what I had witnessed, what a crazy moment in time.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Almost done....
As I had my internship interview today I realized how close to the end I really am. It has always felt like it was never going to happen. I have been in school for so long and doing so many things that it is hard to believe that in 6months I will be doing an internship and working on all these skills I have learned and in a year and a half (on my own time table and pace) I will be in the field and actually have a "career." How crazy is that?! It is so hard for me to believe that I am in denial and repressing all of the things that need to happen for this to be over. I am in denial that in less than a year I will need to take comps to graduate and take the NCE to become an LPC (licensed professional counselor). I just keep thinking that it isn't going to happen because it has been so long for it all to come together.
This fall is going to be very rough for me...I will be finishing my last two classes of my master program and starting my internship hours. I am going to try and internship at the place I interviewed this morning 5-10 hours a week, try to get placed with Children's Hospital for an internship and also try to work in the gay and lesbian population a few times to get that experience as well. I also want to try and do a workshop for Bette Ford which is four days plus attend conferences and talks and read to achieve my non-direct hours. I am going to do all this while working 40 hours a week, keeping a boyfriend, a crazy dog, studying for comps and the NCE and trying to make and keep friends (one of my new goals)???? I don't know how I will do it but I guess we will see....
I still have so many decisions to make and I still want to go on and achieve a doctorate but I can really be a counselor in a little over a year! It is all just so unbelievable. I have so many great opportunities at my fingertips right now, I can only hope that I do well and make the right decisions for me. I can't wait to see where this next year will take me!
This fall is going to be very rough for me...I will be finishing my last two classes of my master program and starting my internship hours. I am going to try and internship at the place I interviewed this morning 5-10 hours a week, try to get placed with Children's Hospital for an internship and also try to work in the gay and lesbian population a few times to get that experience as well. I also want to try and do a workshop for Bette Ford which is four days plus attend conferences and talks and read to achieve my non-direct hours. I am going to do all this while working 40 hours a week, keeping a boyfriend, a crazy dog, studying for comps and the NCE and trying to make and keep friends (one of my new goals)???? I don't know how I will do it but I guess we will see....
I still have so many decisions to make and I still want to go on and achieve a doctorate but I can really be a counselor in a little over a year! It is all just so unbelievable. I have so many great opportunities at my fingertips right now, I can only hope that I do well and make the right decisions for me. I can't wait to see where this next year will take me!
Family
Last night after our dog training session we went over to Matt's parents for dinner. His mom, sister, Jose (sister's boyfriend), niece, nephews, brother and grandma were all there. We had tacos for dinner and I helped make the taco shells. At the end of our meal I began to help clean up the table and put away stuff and at one point I just stopped and really looked around and realized what I was apart of. Sure I am just a girlfriend but they make me feel like so much more. I really feel like I am apart of that family. I have Matt's nieces and nephews who just love me and I love them. They are so adorable and just at amazing ages and I love to be around them. His mother is so cute, she had a Lia Sophia party for me and was/is really trying to help me gain parties and she has all these great ideas...she is just so great and loving towards me. His sister calls me her sister and doesn't take offense when I say "no" or anything to her kids...it's like I am a sister and a family member. I just love being apart of it all. They are so close and loving and love to do things together, I just am amazed.
I am close really close with my Dad, my Uncle Jeff, my cousins and my grandma but unfortunately I am less close with my mother and my uncle Danny and our family as a whole is not as close as I would hope for sometimes. I love each individual relationship in its own.
I am so grateful for the closeness I have gained with my Uncle Jeff just over the time I have lived in Colorado. I have seen him go through so many different and challenging things the last couple years and he is just an amazing man and so laid back and no matter what he has always supported my happiness, whether it was the right decision or not and that means the world to me. Even when I was going through phases of boyfriends he was always okay with whoever I brought over to the house (or at least it seemed he was okay with it). He always told me, "as long as your happy, that's all that matters." The first time he told me that, I still remember to this day, and it meant the world to me. I couldn't be more grateful for him to be in my life. I wish I could talk with him more and see him. I wish I would have had my eyes opened and not had certain words from my childhood in the back of my head and that we could have began a close relationship while I lived there. But I am still so happy we have one now.
My relationship with my Dad is great! When I first decided to call him and tell him he had a daughter I was so afraid of what might happen, but he never had a second guess or hated me or anything. He took all the news with such a great attitude and willingness. I wish that I could see him every day or every week or anything but every other year! I am so grateful to have him in my life and although I can't see him as much as I want, I think about him every day and am so lucky to have him be a part of my life.
Over the years the relationship with my grandma has changed so much, although she can be a little "crazy" sometimes I can't help but love her. Her life has not always been perfect and her decisions may not have always been the best but she owns that and she lives her life with such a great attitude these days. I have been working on a lot in therapy and I think one of the things I realized is that my grandma has always been more like a mother to me, not that my mother isn't, but we have just always had a different connection. The one that I wish sometimes my mother and I had. The day my grandma leaves us will be one of the hardest days I will ever have I think.
As far as my cousins go, I am close with each one of them individually and I wish I could be there to support them and help them in whatever they need in life. Unfortunately I can't be there and help with everything they want or I want, but I am so proud of them. They have all become such wonderful young women and although they still have so many great years ahead of them...they really are great. I feel like they are my sisters sometimes and I wish we were closer.
I am not sure what spurred this but I feel it is important that I express in any way I can how I feel about things because I think in writing is the only time I can be me. I sometimes feel I can't be soft, romantic or emotional. People expect me to be hard, sarcastic and "Amber" so in writing I can be who I want whether people are reading it or not.
I am close really close with my Dad, my Uncle Jeff, my cousins and my grandma but unfortunately I am less close with my mother and my uncle Danny and our family as a whole is not as close as I would hope for sometimes. I love each individual relationship in its own.
I am so grateful for the closeness I have gained with my Uncle Jeff just over the time I have lived in Colorado. I have seen him go through so many different and challenging things the last couple years and he is just an amazing man and so laid back and no matter what he has always supported my happiness, whether it was the right decision or not and that means the world to me. Even when I was going through phases of boyfriends he was always okay with whoever I brought over to the house (or at least it seemed he was okay with it). He always told me, "as long as your happy, that's all that matters." The first time he told me that, I still remember to this day, and it meant the world to me. I couldn't be more grateful for him to be in my life. I wish I could talk with him more and see him. I wish I would have had my eyes opened and not had certain words from my childhood in the back of my head and that we could have began a close relationship while I lived there. But I am still so happy we have one now.
My relationship with my Dad is great! When I first decided to call him and tell him he had a daughter I was so afraid of what might happen, but he never had a second guess or hated me or anything. He took all the news with such a great attitude and willingness. I wish that I could see him every day or every week or anything but every other year! I am so grateful to have him in my life and although I can't see him as much as I want, I think about him every day and am so lucky to have him be a part of my life.
Over the years the relationship with my grandma has changed so much, although she can be a little "crazy" sometimes I can't help but love her. Her life has not always been perfect and her decisions may not have always been the best but she owns that and she lives her life with such a great attitude these days. I have been working on a lot in therapy and I think one of the things I realized is that my grandma has always been more like a mother to me, not that my mother isn't, but we have just always had a different connection. The one that I wish sometimes my mother and I had. The day my grandma leaves us will be one of the hardest days I will ever have I think.
As far as my cousins go, I am close with each one of them individually and I wish I could be there to support them and help them in whatever they need in life. Unfortunately I can't be there and help with everything they want or I want, but I am so proud of them. They have all become such wonderful young women and although they still have so many great years ahead of them...they really are great. I feel like they are my sisters sometimes and I wish we were closer.
I am not sure what spurred this but I feel it is important that I express in any way I can how I feel about things because I think in writing is the only time I can be me. I sometimes feel I can't be soft, romantic or emotional. People expect me to be hard, sarcastic and "Amber" so in writing I can be who I want whether people are reading it or not.
This week...
This week has been a very long week that started with my weekend ending one of my classes. I finished up the last weekend of my Social and Cultural Diversity class over the weekend and couldn't be happier it was done. Not only for it meaning that I am one step closer to the end, but also because I was so amazed at many things. I was amazed at the different views people had, especially when some of them never had any life experience in those areas. Some of the stories were so interesting because I was able to learn about other peoples backgrounds and family dynamics. However, sometimes I forget how the number of the age doesn't matter, it is the mind of the person that matters and how old they may act. Anyway, I am glad that the class is over and I am grateful for the things I learned and that it was one more class down.
On Monday I had a therapy session after work and it is just so nice to be able to talk about things. Even if there isn't a major problem or objective for that one hour, it is nice to be able to speak and not feel like your being judged for who you are and what you are saying. It is a time that I am allowed to be me and have someone understand that. I loved it. Also, for the first time I didn't focus on the one thing that has been occupying my time in therapy. I think I am finally learning to let go and can now work on other things. I love therapy and I wish that more people were open to it and didn't think it was just for "crazy" people.
Wednesday might have been one of the best days of our week! Our dog trainer from BarkBusters came and she was great. I loved it. I learned so much and really received some great education on why my dog has his behavior issues and what we need to do to help them. I won't go into the details because it is very long, but we are doing a lot of new techniques and training in our day to day lives. Things are going to be difficult but we are going to get through it. If we saw a change in Apollo after only 2 1/2 hours, imagine what he will be like in 3 weeks! I took a walk with him this morning and it was the best walk I have ever had in the year that we have had him. He didn't pull the leash, he didn't cut me off, for once we were walking together, instead of him walking me.
Today I had one of my internship interviews in Parker with a woman named Amy. She runs her own private practice and she works with children and teens as well as families. She has such an amazing journey that led her to where she is and I can only hope that my journey will lead me on something as great as she had. I look forward to interning with her and the children. I remember thinking I was NEVER going to work with children and now I think that is what I want to do the most! It is crazy. Like Amy said today, "Never say never" because you will never know where life will lead you. I think I will be starting with her in October if I can begin to wrap my mind around this internship information and get my butt in gear.
Tomorrow will be an interesting day as well, I have to take Apollo to the vet. He needs shots and a regular check up and definitely a nail trim. I hope our training comes in handy and that he is a well-behaved boy at his checkup.
I just want to try and keep everyone updated on things since I don't get the chance to talk and see everyone all the time. So I know this stuff is boring, sorry. I hope everyone is doing well and enjoying the days of summer!
On Monday I had a therapy session after work and it is just so nice to be able to talk about things. Even if there isn't a major problem or objective for that one hour, it is nice to be able to speak and not feel like your being judged for who you are and what you are saying. It is a time that I am allowed to be me and have someone understand that. I loved it. Also, for the first time I didn't focus on the one thing that has been occupying my time in therapy. I think I am finally learning to let go and can now work on other things. I love therapy and I wish that more people were open to it and didn't think it was just for "crazy" people.
Wednesday might have been one of the best days of our week! Our dog trainer from BarkBusters came and she was great. I loved it. I learned so much and really received some great education on why my dog has his behavior issues and what we need to do to help them. I won't go into the details because it is very long, but we are doing a lot of new techniques and training in our day to day lives. Things are going to be difficult but we are going to get through it. If we saw a change in Apollo after only 2 1/2 hours, imagine what he will be like in 3 weeks! I took a walk with him this morning and it was the best walk I have ever had in the year that we have had him. He didn't pull the leash, he didn't cut me off, for once we were walking together, instead of him walking me.
Today I had one of my internship interviews in Parker with a woman named Amy. She runs her own private practice and she works with children and teens as well as families. She has such an amazing journey that led her to where she is and I can only hope that my journey will lead me on something as great as she had. I look forward to interning with her and the children. I remember thinking I was NEVER going to work with children and now I think that is what I want to do the most! It is crazy. Like Amy said today, "Never say never" because you will never know where life will lead you. I think I will be starting with her in October if I can begin to wrap my mind around this internship information and get my butt in gear.
Tomorrow will be an interesting day as well, I have to take Apollo to the vet. He needs shots and a regular check up and definitely a nail trim. I hope our training comes in handy and that he is a well-behaved boy at his checkup.
I just want to try and keep everyone updated on things since I don't get the chance to talk and see everyone all the time. So I know this stuff is boring, sorry. I hope everyone is doing well and enjoying the days of summer!
Friday, May 29, 2009
Homework
Once again I am left pondering the reason of why I am such a procrastinator. I sit at home on a Friday night rushing to do my homework. Surprisingly enough, out of the four papers that are due this weekend, I have finished 2 of them! However, the important, long ones I am still working on. I didn't buy the books for the course because most of the time we never use them and they never have the information needed for the important tests we need to take at the end. So when it comes to writing my 16 question essay final exam, where 6 of the questions are in reference to the books I didn't buy, I am stressing just a small bit. What I should be stressing majorly about is my 15-20 page paper that is due sometime this weekend (I can't remember what day) however I am not that stressed. I picked out my articles for the paper I will be writing and emailed them to myself so I can print them off tomorrow morning and read them during class and so I believe that I will be prepared to write this paper the majority of Saturday evening. I do so well under pressure and at the last moment with my papers, it bodes well for me to wait. However, it can get stressful also, when all you want to do is relax, sleep, be outside or just be done with this class. Well, wish me luck I am off to try and finish my exam and hopefully I will be able to write my other paper tomorrow night.
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Lunch n Learn, but no Lunch
At work we have the opportunity to go to talks titled Lunch n Learns. These are about an hour long and are on very different subjects and most of the time you bring your lunch and eat for the hour. However, yesterday we had a No Lunch Lunch n Learn, hosted by our Histology group. Histology does some amazing things and very different things, but they also have the hard job of performing autopsies...on children. I was amazed at how much I didn't know about the Histology department and I never knew that they actually talked with the families of the children having the autopsies done. They have a very interesting and hard job that they do 5 days a week.
Well, anyway, the supervisor of histology (Sara) took us down the the 'Pathology Suite' (the morgue) to show us the grieving room for the family where they view the body and also where the autopsies are done. We heard some sad stories with amazing endings and we heard sad stories without amazing endings. They do more than just autopsies, they also take any part that is removed from a still living child and basically disect it for research and for answers on how and where the tumor, cancer, mass, etc. spread. I know this all sounds horribly disgusting and sad but this is the world I live in 5 days a week. I don't have nearly the experience or interaction that histology employees do, but I know about the kids and their test results, if they pass away and I do see them on a daily basis. I also think it is very fascinating and everyday research comes to a new finding, and these kids and their families help that research.
Anyways...I got to see a lot of different things yesterday; an oversized heart from an 11 year old, a fatty tumor mass that was removed (child is still alive) and I also got to hold part of a tumor that was on a child's liver. I know it is sad but I found it interesting and it also helped me to realize all of the opportunities I have at Children's Hospital. I am in a place that I can learn so much about anything I have never known about. It is also amazing the work that we do at Children's Hospital. So often the laboratory is looked over, in all of the departments, for the work that they do. Which is funny because we are the ones who give out the results, rush testing and find out what is wrong with a patient to hopefully start the treatment and help them live. But yet, everyday we are all looked over by the people in the hospital. I don't think that the parents or families overlook us because so often we rush samples for them and they are so grateful, but we never see the recognition that we should. It is sad and histology proved to be one of the hardest jobs in the laboratory to me. I never knew what they did and I have a better understanding and respect for them. I just wanted to share that.
Well, anyway, the supervisor of histology (Sara) took us down the the 'Pathology Suite' (the morgue) to show us the grieving room for the family where they view the body and also where the autopsies are done. We heard some sad stories with amazing endings and we heard sad stories without amazing endings. They do more than just autopsies, they also take any part that is removed from a still living child and basically disect it for research and for answers on how and where the tumor, cancer, mass, etc. spread. I know this all sounds horribly disgusting and sad but this is the world I live in 5 days a week. I don't have nearly the experience or interaction that histology employees do, but I know about the kids and their test results, if they pass away and I do see them on a daily basis. I also think it is very fascinating and everyday research comes to a new finding, and these kids and their families help that research.
Anyways...I got to see a lot of different things yesterday; an oversized heart from an 11 year old, a fatty tumor mass that was removed (child is still alive) and I also got to hold part of a tumor that was on a child's liver. I know it is sad but I found it interesting and it also helped me to realize all of the opportunities I have at Children's Hospital. I am in a place that I can learn so much about anything I have never known about. It is also amazing the work that we do at Children's Hospital. So often the laboratory is looked over, in all of the departments, for the work that they do. Which is funny because we are the ones who give out the results, rush testing and find out what is wrong with a patient to hopefully start the treatment and help them live. But yet, everyday we are all looked over by the people in the hospital. I don't think that the parents or families overlook us because so often we rush samples for them and they are so grateful, but we never see the recognition that we should. It is sad and histology proved to be one of the hardest jobs in the laboratory to me. I never knew what they did and I have a better understanding and respect for them. I just wanted to share that.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Puppy Training
As many of you know our dog Apollo has some behavioral issues...He has a severe case of separation anxiety which used to be tons worse than it is now. He used to tear up carpet, scratch the doors, tear down blinds and rip apart anything he could find. Now he just gets overly excited when you come home, oh and if you leave the garbage out he gets in that or if you leave the remote on the couch he eats that too (we went through 3 last month plus a dog collar remote). However it is still tons better. Now when you come home it is like he wants to attack you and lick you to death, and for an 80lb dog, that isn't hard to do. So we have to try and hold him down or ignore him and pray that he doesn't get caught in my huge purse and take me down or I'm done for. Also, his tail is so long and hard that everytime he gets overly excited, it hits the wall hard and splits open and covers us and the walls in BLOOD!! Exciting right?! I know, I make you want a dog....
He really is a very sweet dog, but like most dogs that get adopted they have some issues. He also does some leash pullying and jumping up and other things that need some fine tuning. So we called a home trainer that is coming to our apartment next week for a 2 1/2 hour session to help work on these issues. She will come back in 3 weeks for a follow up and than after that she has a lifetime guarentee. Anytime anything happens with Apollo she will come back for free! She is also with a training company that is completely humane in training methods, works without treats, and is rated #1 in the US by SPCA! So I am hopeful and confident that she can help us and Apollo. When we are around Apollo just lays around all day and plays when we get him riled up to play...but when we are gone he is a completely different dog. So we are hoping that she can make him the perfect dog for us and hopefully settle him and show him who is the leader of our pack! Wish us good luck and I will keep you updated...
He really is a very sweet dog, but like most dogs that get adopted they have some issues. He also does some leash pullying and jumping up and other things that need some fine tuning. So we called a home trainer that is coming to our apartment next week for a 2 1/2 hour session to help work on these issues. She will come back in 3 weeks for a follow up and than after that she has a lifetime guarentee. Anytime anything happens with Apollo she will come back for free! She is also with a training company that is completely humane in training methods, works without treats, and is rated #1 in the US by SPCA! So I am hopeful and confident that she can help us and Apollo. When we are around Apollo just lays around all day and plays when we get him riled up to play...but when we are gone he is a completely different dog. So we are hoping that she can make him the perfect dog for us and hopefully settle him and show him who is the leader of our pack! Wish us good luck and I will keep you updated...
Lia Sophia
Well, I have officially began my jewelry advising!!! At the end of April I became an official advisor for the jewelry company Lia Sophia!! I am very excited about it, I have been trying to be an advisor for almost 3 years now, but things have always gotten in the way. I finally did it! So I had my first party at the end of April, a friend of mine was kind enough to throw a party at her house, of course she did receive tons of free jewelry and great deals on other pieces....LOL Anyway. I am really excited about it. I think the jewelry is reasonably priced compared to other jewelry companies like Silpada (spelling?) and they have better deals than any of them as well, plus a lifetime guarentee! So if in 10 years you are sick of something, just return/exchange it. Everything is real and genuine except the diamonds and the jewelry is beautiful and there are a lot of different styles. I know it is not for everyone but if anyone knows me, I am very loyal to any company I am with and can't help but get excited, especially since I get such a great deal as well on jewelry and make some cash on the side! Well, if you want to look at the jewelry or book a party you can also go to www.liasophia.com/amberb and that is my personal website. So this is a very small update but hey...it works!
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Breaks
So again...I am writing to release my frustrations, just bear with me. :)
My boyfriend is a wonderful, sweet and hard working guy. Yes he had some issues last year being un-employed for 8 months. It's not like he wasn't looking and applying but times are hard and you still have to have some pride. He was un-employed for 8 months, does that really mean that he has to be punished now and continuously criticized?! I think not. Give him a break for once in his life. I mean really. He has a job that he works 40+ hours a week at, he shows up early everyday and works his full shifts, unlike others, and yet he still can't catch a break from a certain someone. You are not GOD! You are not the chosen one to "bless" everyone with your opinions and chastize everyone for what they have done wrong. We all make mistakes in life and everyone is allowed to do that. I am not saying he made a mistake because being unemployed was not by choice. But here someone sits and tells him to apply at a McDonalds or Taco Bell because that is what they would do...really? REALLY?! Is that really what you would do? Many things are easy to say when you are not in that situation, try being there and find out what really happens, until then keep your opinions to yourself. Sometimes, raising hell and giving someone shit day in and day out, doesn't make them stronger, it makes them weaker. So when you think you are helping your not! Try showing some compassion for someone who may be depressed because they can't find work, despite many attempts and resumes sent out. But now, he has a job and he takes 1 day off, 1 DAY! and you can't keep your mouth shut? My god! Give it up! It is his life, his choices, and everyone deserves a break every now and then. There are sometimes in life when spouting your own opinion is not the best idea. Look at what he has done, look how far he has come. In the last year and a half I have been with Matt he has come so far and he is such a great person despite the criticism he receives. For once, all I ask for is a pat on the back and job well done. Give him a break.
My boyfriend is a wonderful, sweet and hard working guy. Yes he had some issues last year being un-employed for 8 months. It's not like he wasn't looking and applying but times are hard and you still have to have some pride. He was un-employed for 8 months, does that really mean that he has to be punished now and continuously criticized?! I think not. Give him a break for once in his life. I mean really. He has a job that he works 40+ hours a week at, he shows up early everyday and works his full shifts, unlike others, and yet he still can't catch a break from a certain someone. You are not GOD! You are not the chosen one to "bless" everyone with your opinions and chastize everyone for what they have done wrong. We all make mistakes in life and everyone is allowed to do that. I am not saying he made a mistake because being unemployed was not by choice. But here someone sits and tells him to apply at a McDonalds or Taco Bell because that is what they would do...really? REALLY?! Is that really what you would do? Many things are easy to say when you are not in that situation, try being there and find out what really happens, until then keep your opinions to yourself. Sometimes, raising hell and giving someone shit day in and day out, doesn't make them stronger, it makes them weaker. So when you think you are helping your not! Try showing some compassion for someone who may be depressed because they can't find work, despite many attempts and resumes sent out. But now, he has a job and he takes 1 day off, 1 DAY! and you can't keep your mouth shut? My god! Give it up! It is his life, his choices, and everyone deserves a break every now and then. There are sometimes in life when spouting your own opinion is not the best idea. Look at what he has done, look how far he has come. In the last year and a half I have been with Matt he has come so far and he is such a great person despite the criticism he receives. For once, all I ask for is a pat on the back and job well done. Give him a break.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)