Three months into my internship and I have been on the most incredible, frustrating and amazing emotional roller coaster of my life! In the beginning I was having a really hard time because I wasn't sure if I could do it. I wanted to be there and I wanted to be able to believe I could do it, but I was having so many emotional days where I was struggling to control my own emotions by what these girls were telling me. I had a lot of conversations with my supervisor and I think eventually things began to sink in.
I was having a really hard time with things because I felt like I had no support system. I felt like no one wanted to hear what I had to say about the internship. I wanted to come home and share every detail with Matt of what I heard and saw that day, but he was only getting upset with me and I didn't understand. At work I felt like I couldn't share with anyone because they are all so sensitive and some expressed that they didn't want to hear about any of it. I also don't have that many friends so I felt like I was just stuck in this hole with no way out and no one to talk to. No one understood me, no one wanted to understand or care what I was doing or what I was feeling. I just felt horrible and it was beginning to affect every aspect of my life. Then, finally I had a conversation with one of the therapists at my internship and I think it finally sank in. She expressed that when she first started she wanted to go home and share things with her fiance and her friends, but it just couldn't be done, it just put stress on the relationships. What we see day in and day out and what we hear are things that most people do not want to hear. They don't always understand and they don't want to, that is why they chose not to be therapists. Finally it sank in and made sense, it was just so nice to hear it from a female and someone near my age. It took me a few more days but after that I just realized that it is okay for others to not hear all the details. I can come home and tell Matt some of the good things that happened or just say I had a really rough day and he will understand that, he doesn't need to know the details. I have other friends that do understand and do want to hear. I had a lot of conversations with people in the last couple weeks and it has been so helpful! I feel like weight has just been lifted off my shoulders and I am seeing so many things in a different light.
I have few friends that I can depend on, but luckily I have 2 friends that absolutely understand where I am coming from and what I am doing, and they don't mind hearing the details of what goes on in my sessions. One is in the field so nothing phases her and the other has been through so much that she is completely open and understands. I realize now that I don't need to tell the world. Every relationship is different and those are the two people I can depend on to share these things with and use as an outlet.
This internship is one of the best choices I ever made. I was absolutely frightened and didn't want to go to this place at all, but now, I couldn't imagine being anywhere else.
2 comments:
WOW!! I think your totally right that being in an internship like you are must be VERY VERY hard. And especially dealing with the emotions. Reading this really gives me a perspective into what my therapists may have thought of me at different times. I think you are an amazing person to even be doing this job. I think your the right person for this kind of job. Its wonderful to think about the future and just know that you are going to be helping so many people in life...how rewarding is that thought just in itself...WOW...I wish I had been introduced to a therapist like you in my young days when I had so many horrible issues. I was going to tell you that you should try and get certified in EMDR....I am doing that for all the trauma I have gone through and its literally taking the fear out of me....I also heard DBT training is worth it too for a therapist. And I think its great that you have friends that you can talk too and that you figured out that not everyone wants to hear problems. I had to figure that out in life. I would immediately open up to people and tell them my problems - well, then, I would lose them as friends because they really didn't want to be around me and here that stuff. They just wanted to live a good life with no problems rocking the boat - and it turned out they weren't true friends. So, its really great all the things your learning. Just think about years from now how knowledgeable you will be Amber!! HUGS
Thanks again Carrie! I love hearing your comments, it helps me a lot. I have definitely thought about EMDR, I am going to be buying some books on it soon. Also, the place that I am interning at are very big on the EMDR. Some do the DBT and I have not fully commited to that therapy yet. I do believe in some of its techniques, but I like EMDR and the new therapy I learned about this weekend IRRT, I wrote a blog on it. I really think it could help a lot of people and I think I want to become trained it. It really is amazing the things that I have been experiencing and going through. I am loving every minute!
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