Updates on School & Internship

It has been forever since I have written because life has been so crazy busy! I keep wanting to write and get everything out there but I sometimes feel like I just don't have the time or the energy. Anyway...below are some updates of what has been happening the last few months with my schooling and my internship.



School:
I am still in school...at the beginning of this internship I thought that I would be graduated in May, yea, not so much. Which in some ways I am actually happy about because I am allowed to stay longer at my internship place. I will be interning until about the end of August, I still have about 270 hours total to complete. During the month of May I had emailed my advisor to ask about when I needed to take comps, I assumed they would be in July since a graduation date in August was in the plans. Nope, about the 2nd to last week of May I received an email back stating that comps were June 5th! I had about 3 weeks notice and if I didn't take it on that date I would have to wait for October. Luckily they still had one open spot so I signed up for it, freaked out and then broke my studying skills out of hibernation. It was a rough 3 weeks trying to study every night and all weekend long...but the day finally came. I still don't know if I passed it or not, they had to SEND OUT our scan tron sheets!! I am still a little irritated. When I sat down and opened the test packet I wanted to run out screaming. Nothing looked familiar from what I had studied and I couldn't remember a thing! I have horrible test anxiety and this was no different. I just want the test results to come so I know how I did. I am still waiting....



Internship:
My skin has become incredibly thick which is so good for me, my clients and most importantly the people that I surround myself with on a daily basis. I was at a point for a while where the girls and their stories was all I could think about. It had become unhealthy where it was affecting my sleep, my dreams and my relationships. I have moved past that now and am so happy. I still think about the girls sometimes when I am not there and figure out how I can help and what I can do to better understand them; but it isn't taking over my life. I am happy and I love being there and working with the girls - even if all I am doing is planting a seed.

I sat in class and listened to another intern for the same facility ask, "whats the point?" She has been negative since the beginning of her internship and she has not taken the initiative to make her internship all that it can be. I told her that the point is to be a support and plant a seed. It doesn't matter if you don't change their life in one night - things don't work like that. The point is that for one day you stop them from wanting to harm themselves or kill themselves. You can be a support system and a role model they have never had before. I was once told that this career choice is the career with the least amount of thank yous. Your client will hardly ever say thank you for what you have done - because you haven't done anything. For the clients that change their lives and the ways they do things it is because of them, not the therapist. If they are ready for that change then all a therapist does is help them along the way. They validate and bring new thoughts and ideas to the client that they haven't had before. I truly believe that the client is the change not the therapist. I just hope that some day this girl in my class realizes it.

Anyway, back to the update :). In May I was given the opportunity to attend the graduation for my internship site - and one of the girls I have been working with was graduating. It was so nice to see that side of things and see that the girls can and do change. It was amazing to be at one of the biggest graduations they have ever had with 12 girls. It was kind of a weird feeling for me to know that one of the girls I have seen almost every week for 5 months was leaving and I would never see her again. It was the first time I had to go through the termination process and really say goodbye to someone. I hope that she really holds on to the things she learned and does well.

Another one of my girls is leaving today actually...she is getting placed at another facility because there hasn't been much change with her in 9months. I absolutely feel bad for her because she is not anywhere near a place where she is ready and willing to change. She has a hard time accepting her past and moving on. She chooses to say "my past is my past," but all it is is a phrase. She believes that if she continues saying it that it will come true and she'll have moved on. She doesn't like to talk much about the past and until she does she will never move on from it. Her past is hard and I know that in the beginning it is painful and hard to remember those things and share them but until she does it won't get any easier for her. I hope someday she is at a point where she wants to change and that someone is there to help her.

My other girls/clients have been on emotional roller coasters the last couple months and some days it is hard to go in there and do therapy because they can become so depressed. It's frustrating for not only them but for the therapist. You see the potential they have but it is so hard when they are that low to get them to see it too. However, I continue to go in and be there and hope that for at least one of them I am making a small change somewhere in their head. I have had amazing opportunities to talk to other girls on the campus as well just by being involved with group sessions and attending another cottages meeting. Every Wednesday the whole campus participates in a group sessions, I used to be in a Family Dynamics group and now I am apart of a group titled Survivors of Sexual Abuse. The group is amazing! They are there for each other, support one another, listen and participate. They are an amazing group of girls and I am so glad I chose this group to be apart of because it is such a change from my last one. I'm also apart of a group called K9 healers. It is amazing what having a dog in a session can do for people. It gives them that trust and unconditional love that they need, they are able to open up more. I love being apart of it.

Well, for my internship I think that covers a lot of it. Every day I learn something more and even though sometimes I can't wait for my internship to be over so my working hours go back to normal, I will miss it like CRAZY!!! I am so glad I went outside my box and took a chance.